


Cold Grey Light of Dawn

by Fave101



Series: Cold Grey Light of Dawn [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 19:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30026745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fave101/pseuds/Fave101
Summary: Matthew is a grumpy and tired reaper.  He hates spirits and spirits hate him.  He’s been picked to be a Guardian and just couldn’t be happier…  ‘Don’t Fear The Reaper’ AU.
Relationships: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia)
Series: Cold Grey Light of Dawn [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2210727
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Don't Fear The Reaper](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7854421) by [Fave101](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fave101/pseuds/Fave101). 



Cold Grey Light of Dawn

AN: So, another one. I still really enjoy this universe and writing for it. This is the fourth book to 'Don't Fear The Reaper,' but you don't need to read the others to get what's going on here. This is a spin off of those with a darker Matthew. He’s got all the same powers tho. Rated M cuz it will mention blood, death, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism and cutting. Maybe more. This is the only warning, there wont be warnings on specific chaps. If you're sensitive to any of those I'd recommend not reading or proceed with caution.

Started writing on October 21st 2018  
Started editing on November 4th 2018

North grumbled looking over the globe. Lights were starting to go out. He knew Pitch was starting to gain power again. He sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. He had already turned on the lights and was waiting for the other Guardians.

"Again, North?" Bunny asked hopping out of one of his tunnels. He immediately hopped over to the fire and warmed his feet. "It better be a good reason this time, mate!"

"I only call for good reasons!" North said with a bright smile. The other Guardian just rolled his eyes. Sandy floated in with a question mark over his head. Tooth wasn't too far behind him also questioning what was going on. 

"North, just tell us. We can update Frostbite if he gets here." Bunny said impatiently crossing his arms.

"Lights have been going out. Pitch is gaining power again." North said gesturing to the globe. The other Guardians moved closer to the globe. They could see a few lights flickering and going out. 

"Are you sure it's just not them getting older?" Tooth asked fluttering her wings nervously. 

"Da, I'm sure it's not that. There's too many all at once." The Guardian of wonder said shaking his head. "Pitch must be gaining again."

The Guardians just looked at each other for a moment. It hadn't even been ten years since the last time they had fought Pitch. It normally took him at least fifty years before he got traction again. North gasped seeing Manny. He jumped excitedly poking Bunny's side.

"Look! Manny's picking a new Guardian!" North yelled excitedly.

"Another one? Already?" Bunny sighed exasperatedly. 

They had just added Jack a few years ago and before that it was him, but that was centuries ago. They stood back watching the panel on the floor open and the crystal poke through the ground. It locked into place and the moon shone down on it.

"Uhhh." Bunny said looking at the figure. "Who is that?"

"I don't know." Tooth said flying closer and inspecting the statue. She couldn't tell much about the person. They seemed to be tall and wore a big hooded coat. They also had wings. The Guardian of Memories tried to get a look at their face, but she couldn't. It left blank and hidden by a shadow from the hood. The Guardians couldn't tell whether they were male or female.

"We have a problem then. How do we find them if we don't know who it is?" North asked thoughtfully stroking his beard.

"Know who?" Jack asked flying into the pole through one of the windows. He landed on the railing next to Sandy taking a bite of the popsicle he had. Sandy raised an eyebrow at him. "I was with Jamie."

"Let's not get side tracked." Bunny said pinching the bridge of his nose. He gestured to the figure and Jack looked it over. "Do you know this person, Jack?"

"Yeah, that's Birdie!" The winter spirit said with a small smile. It had been a while since the last time he'd seen the Reaper. "Why?"

"Birdie?" Tooth questioned. "Their name is Birdie?"

"Are they new? We've never seen them before." North said and Sandy nodded in agreement.

"No, Birdie isn't his name. I just call him that." Jack shrugged not offering more. "He's older than me. He just keeps to himself mostly."

"What is his name?" North asked raising an eyebrow.

"I'd rather you learn from him." Jack said scratching the back of his neck. He knew he was probably blushing. "He doesn't really like spirits. I mean, he won't attack you unless you do first."

"How do you know him?" Tooth asked raising her eyebrow with a smile. The winter spirit looked down.

"He's just an old friend." Jack said quickly. The Guardian's looked at him suspiciously. "So, why do you need him?"

"Well, this Birdie, he's a new Guardian!" North said excitedly. The youngest Guardian looked surprised. He already knew that Matthew wasn't going to be happy. "So, where do we find him?"

"There's a few places he might be." Jack sighed.

\-----❄️"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."❄️-----

Matthew yawned as he absentmindedly wrapped his wrist. He had got into a fight with a fall spirit earlier in the day. She had only managed to cut him once, but she definitely wouldn't be going anywhere for a while. The Reaper leaned back against the skyscraper he was perched on the edge of. He reached into his pocket taking the phone he stole a few years ago out. He put one earbud in turning the volume up to drown out some of the deaths that were playing out in his head.

The Canadian huffed pushing off the building and let himself fall. He opened his wings last second flying upwards before gliding through the city. He smiled from under his hood spotting what he was looking for. He landed and walked into the liquor store immediately going to the whisky section and grabbing a bottle. The Reaper really didn't care what he drank, but he preferred whisky. He quickly drank the whole bottle and set the empty in the recycling bin. 

Matthew didn't know why he bothered drinking anymore. No matter how much he had it didn't do anything for him. It used to numb him, take away some of the deaths he saw. After almost a century of drinking he had an extremely high alcohol tolerance. He could drink a couple bottles and it wouldn't even get him tipsy. There was no point in him drinking anymore, but it was a habit. A bad one. He wondered if he kept drinking long enough if it would kill him. 

The Reaper went to the corner store and picked up a few different snacks. He put them into his pocket before flying home. He normally stayed in an old abandoned sanatorium in Canada. There were a bunch of friendly ghosts around to talk to and ward off most people. It was also in the middle of no where surrounded by deep dark forests. 

"Welcome back, Matthew." One of the ghosts greeted as soon as he stepped inside.

"Thank you, Sam." The blond said closing the door behind himself. He brushed his hood down. The Canadian stepped through a shadow to the room he always slept in. He was tired and didn't feel like walking up a couple flights of stairs.

Matthew didn't always know how to shadow jump. When he was young, he was approached by Pitch. The Nightmare King had been kind and had taken him under his wing. While they lived together Pitch had taught him how to shadow jump. It was the only good thing that had came out of their time together.

The Reaper went over and settled on the blanket he called a bed. He picked up one of the books he'd been reading and started into it again. He munched on some of the food he grabbed earlier. He yawned again and was about to close his book and sleep, but images flashed across his mind. The blond sighed and stood up pulling his hood back up. He closed and set his book back down before shadow jumping to the roof.

Matthew sighed finding the body. He shook his head and knelt down next to him pulling his soul forward. The boy told him his story and he apologized for the kids pain before sending his soul away. 

The Canadian stood back up and was about to fly back home. He looked at his arm seeing the bandages had bled through. He knew he should probably go and get some fresh bandages. He grumbled debating whether or not he cared enough to bother. He was thinking of leaving it and hoping it got infected. He sighed shaking his head knowing he better take care of it.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

The Reaper grumbled rewrapping his cut. He had gone into a pharmacy and stole some fresh bandages. He grabbed enough to rewrap the wound a few more times. He felt a cold wind blow through the city and wondered what month it was. He pulled out the phone and checked seeing it was May. He shrugged and spread his wings about to fly. A dark blur ran by him. He paused and raised an eyebrow, but didn't care enough to go after it. 

Matthew was about to fly again, but he heard claws quickly clicking as they ran in his direction. He put up a force field and stepped back into a shadow. He watched the Easter Bunny run head first into the translucent wall.

"What do you want?" The Reaper growled from the shadow. He had never met the rabbit before, but didn't really want to fight him. He knew he was a Guardian and didn't want to get on their bad side, but if the rabbit attacked, he wouldn’t hold back.

"We need to talk, mate." The pooka said stepping back and holding his nose. He was looking in his direction, but knew the Guardian could barely see him in the shadow. Probably just his glowing eyes. Matthew's eyebrows furrowed debating whether or not to just leave.

"I don't have time for this." The Reaper grumbled holding in a yawn. He was about to jump through to another shadow, but Bunny caught his attention.

"Wait!" The Guardian of hope called. He paused looking over his shoulder as the rabbit tapped his foot on the ground. He saw a tunnel open and a very familiar winter spirit fall out of it. 

"Bunny!" Jack complained glaring at the older Guardian.

"Found him." Bunny shrugged gesturing to the shadow he was hiding in. "You talk to him."

"Birdie?" The winter spirit asked squinting into the shadow.

"Jack." Matthew replied stepping slightly out of the darkness.

"Hey, Birdie." Jack said with a gentle smile. He looked over and roughly elbowed Bunny's side. "Sorry for the Kangaroo, he's not very social."

"I can tell." The Reaper mumbled looking the pooka up and down with bored eyes. He looked slightly intimidated by the Canadian.

"Ah, sorry for charging at you." Bunny apologized. He wanted to be on the Reaper’s good side especially if they'd be working together. "Just wanted to make sure I got to talk to you."

"Okay, but what do you want?" Matthew asked raising an eyebrow. He knew they couldn't see his face, but he didn't care.

"Well Birdie you're-" Jack started, but the older Guardian cut him off.

"It'll be better if we talk at the pole." Bunny said crossing his arms. The Reaper narrowed his eyes. He didn't trust the rabbit, but he trusted Jack. He knew he'd just be able to shadow jump away if they tried anything anyways. Or he'd be able to defend himself if he had too.

The Canadian's eyebrows furrowed as images flashed across his mind. He bit his lip. "I have to go, sorry." He said quickly. He spread his wings and took off into the air hearing the Guardians yelling behind him. 

"Wait! We still need to talk to you!" Bunny called, but he was already flying. He was flying south to help a family. He could still feel a cold wind and knew Jack must be following him. Bunny probably wasn't too far behind. He didn't really care, but he knew the Guardians weren't going to be prepared for what they were going into.

Matthew landed and immediately jumped through a shadow into the house. He stepped over the bodies moving into the family room. He growled spotting the father, the one that had snapped and killed his whole family. The man had a gun to his head, but the Canadian put a force field around it containing the shot. He pulled and ripped the gun out of the man's hand. He looked up and saw the Reaper standing over him.

"You're not getting the easy way out." Matthew growled angrily as the man looked up at him. He looked terrified.

"I didn't mean to. I'm s-sorry." The man stuttered eyes wide with fear. The blond laughed and knelt down in front of the man. "Please, j-just kill me."

"Oh, I'd love to." The Reaper purred. "But I'll let the cops take care of you for now. Live out a long terrible life in jail." He waved his hand and made spectres of his family members looming over him. The man looked at them then back to him. "And when it's your time, you better hope I'm in a good mood."

The man shivered and whimpered as Matthew stood back up. He wouldn't be going anywhere, he was paralyzed with fear. The Canadian turned his attention to the pair of Guardians that were behind him.

"So, what did you want?" Matthew asked crossing his arms. Both of them looked shocked at the scene in front of them. Bunny more than Jack. 

"W-what are you?" The Guardian of hope stuttered looking between him, the man and the spectres. The Reaper raised an eyebrow. He guessed Jack hadn't told them anything. He'd have to thank him later.

"I'm the Grim Reaper." Matthew shrugged stepping around them going to help the souls. He shook his head sadly pulling the souls forward. They showed him exactly what happened before disappearing. One stayed and started to go up the stairs. He stood and followed it knowing it was important. 

The Reaper picked up the home phone as he went. He dialled 911 and left the line open knowing they'd come. He set it back on one of the other tables and continued to follow the soul. It lead him into a nursery and he sighed sadly. He could already see a squirming baby in the crib. 

The Guardians slipped into the room behind him. Bunny accidentally knocked a chime with his ears making a lot of noise. He glared at the rabbit as the baby started to cry. 

"Sorry!" The pooka said lowering his ears. 

Matthew rolled his eyes and went over to the crib. He reached down carefully picking up the baby and cradling him in his arms. When kids were that young, they hadn't decided what they believed in and what they didn't. The Reaper rocked the baby back and fourth careful to support his head. He hummed quietly easily calming the child.

"He's so cute." Jack said stepping to his side. He looked over and smiled. Matthew smiled sadly back. 

Bunny was just watching the pair. He could tell immediately that Jack wasn't telling them everything that had gone on between them. He was also surprised to see two very different sides of the Reaper. The very hostile and defensive side dealing with him and the man as well as the gentle and caring side when helping the souls and the baby. He definitely was intimidated by him.

Matthew carefully set the sleeping baby back into the crib hearing sirens in the distance. He brushed past Bunny who was in the door frame to go check on the man. He knew the Guardians were still following him. The Canadian peaked in and saw the man pleading with the spectres that were still looming over him. He shook his head again leaving them in place.

The Reaper heard a knock on the door and looked over. He saw one of the cops looking through the windows and immediately radioing in what he saw before breaking down the door with his partner. Matthew looked over his shoulder and saw the Guardians still watching him. He didn't really mind Jack being there normally, but Bunny was a bit annoying. He huffed and started to walk out the front door and waited for the other two.

"Okay, now, why did you want me to go to the pole?" The Canadian said crossing his arms as soon as they were outside.

"Birdie, Manny," Jack started, but Bunny interrupted him. The winter spirit shot him an annoyed glare. Matthew just sighed really wishing the pooka would let Jack talk.

"It would be better if you just came to the pole, Reaper." The older Guardian said crossing his arms. Matthew narrowed his eyes.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

"It would be better if you just came to the pole, Reaper." The older Guardian said crossing his arms. Matthew narrowed his eyes.

"Look, I don't have time for this. Just tell me what you want." The Canadian growled pinching his nose. 

The Reaper really just wanted to go home and sleep. He was grumpy and tired. He wasn't in the mood to be dealing with the Easter Bunny right now. He knew he probably wasn't making the best first impression on him, but he couldn't care less. Jack smiled sympathetically at him silently apologizing.

"Really, mate." Bunny sighed exasperatedly. He seemed to expect him to just go with it. "Just come with us."

"That sounds pretty creepy, kangaroo." Jack laughed rolling his eyes. The other Guardian just tapped his foot on the ground opening a tunnel under Matthew. He yelped in surprise falling into the hole. He didn't have enough time to react before he was sliding along the grass. "Bunny!" The winter spirit yelled.

The Reaper just groaned crossing his arms as he slid along the tunnel. He wished he could just shadow jump away, but the tunnel was to bright. He was almost at the end of his fairly long rope with the rabbit. He looked a head and could see light at the end of the tunnel and braced for landing. Matthew easily landed in a crouch quickly taking in his surroundings.

It took him a moment to realize he was at the pole. He knew it was were Bunny had been so eager to go, but the trip didn't seem long enough for the distance traveled. The Canadian straightened up looking for a shadow. He was still debating whether or not to stick around and see what they wanted. He jumped in surprise as a hand was placed on his shoulder. 

Matthew looked over and followed the arm to see it was Santa. He knew the Guardian couldn't see his face well. He could only see his annoyed glowing eyes. He bit his lip and backed away not wanting to make the new Guardian uncomfortable.

"Hello, Birdie. It's nice to meet you." North said with a bright smile brushing off the slight hostility. The Reaper raised an eyebrow. Jack really hadn't told them anything. "Welcome to the pole!"

"Thanks." Matthew grumbled taking a second to look around. He'd never been in the pole before. It looked a lot smaller than he thought it would be. It was still huge, but he didn't know how they would make all the children of the world’s gifts here. 

The blond looked up spotting the Sandman and Tooth Fairy looking at him. He had never met them before, but he had a run in with Sandy's sand and the burn scar to remind him.

"Bunny! You can't just do that to people!" Jack yelled as the both appeared out of a tunnel. He saw the Reaper standing and glaring at the Guardians and flew over to him. He relaxed slightly with his presence. "Kangaroo's a bit of an ass."

"Oh, I can tell." Matthew sighed. "Should call him Donkey then." He said dryly. Jack snorted and the rabbit just glared at him. The Reaper smirked from under his hood. "Why am I here? What do you want?" He demanded crossing his arms.

"You're the new Guardian!" North said excitedly. The older Guardian spun around doing a little dance. The Canadian just raised an eyebrow not quite believing what he said. "Congratulations!"

"Told them to hold off on the celebrations." Jack said quietly. "I know you're probably not into this."

The Reaper nodded. He was thankful for that. He wished Jack had a chance to actually tell him what was going on before he got sent to the pole.

"Yeah alright." Matthew rolled his eyes. "I don't believe that."

"It's true." Tooth said fluttering in front of him. "Manny has chosen you. You're a Guardian."

"No thanks, I'm good." The Reaper shrugged. He was about to turn and walk away, but North put his hand on his shoulder again. He growled stepping back raising his wings slightly.

"You can't say no! You are a Guardian!" The Russian said with a big smile. He was clearly missing the Canadian's annoyance and slight hostility.

"I've got to much to deal with right now." Matthew snapped. He was getting impatient. He didn't really want to be rude, but if it would get his point across quicker, he would be. "Too busy."

"Too busy?" Bunny snorted rolling his eyes. "What? 'Helping' a soul every once and a while?"

The Reaper laughed. "1.1 million people die every week. That's about a hundred per minute and two every second." He said rolling his eyes. The Guardians looked surprised. "I'm the one that processes every single soul. 'Not busy' my ass."

"I'm sure you could make time." Tooth said gently. "You're meant to be a Guardian."

"I don't think so. I'm not exactly kid friendly." Matthew argued. 

"You were pretty good with that baby." Bunny said crossing his arms with a smirk. He seemed like he was saying it to spite him.

"Being good with kids and being kid friendly are two different things." The Canadian snapped. "It's not worth your energy trying to convince me. It's not happening."

"You can't say no!" North said still keeping the same excited tone. He was getting frustrated with them.

"You're not going to leave me alone, eh?" Matthew grumbled crossing his arms and shaking his head.

"Nope!" North laughed still missing the hostility. Most of the Guardians seemed completely oblivious to his annoyance. "You can't say no!"

"Well, I just did." The Reaper growled. He really wasn't getting anywhere.

"Birdie, please listen." Jack said putting a hand on his shoulder. Matthew sighed. He would always have a soft spot for him.

The Guardians immediately noticed it. They had suspected something else had gone on between them, but now they were sure. Bunny was jealous of the way Jack looked at him. He didn't like the sudden new competition. He didn't like the Reaper very much. He had no idea why Manny would pick this guy to be a Guardian. He didn't fit in with them at all.

"Manny picked you to be the new Guardian." Jack explained. He was about to keep going, but the Guardian of hope interrupted him.

"We apparently need you to help us with Pitch." Bunny grumbled.

"That's what I was going to do today." Matthew mumbled under his breath. He sighed. "Look, I'll help you with Pitch this time, but after, just leave me alone."

"We can't just leave you alone, you are a Guardian." North said. The Canadian just groaned. He was about to argue again, but he burst into a yawn. The Guardian of wonder looked at the clock realizing how late it was. "We'll continue this in the morning."

"Sure." The Reaper said turning and walking away. Bunny hopped in front of him crossing his arms. 

"You'll stay here for the night." The pooka said with a hint of a growl. Matthew was too tired to really argue with him. The Guardians were lucky he was so patient.

"Whatever." The blond muttered.

"I'll show you a room." Jack said going to his side again. He looked over to North who nodded. The winter spirit gestured for him to follow. He sighed and did.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

AN: Will probably do some flashbacks of their relationship later.

Jack hummed quietly as they walked. It was a little bit awkward. The pair had been friends for centuries. They had dated for a while and still had feelings for each other. Both of them knew it, but the blond tiptoed around the subject. The Guardian tried to push boundaries and get them together again.

"Thank you." Matthew said as soon as they were out of the Guardians sight. He was thankful to be away from them. "And thanks for not telling them anything about me."

"No problem." The winter spirit said with a bright smile. The Reaper couldn't help, but smile back. He cleared his throat and got serious. "Sorry about them. I'll try to get them to back off. I knew you wouldn't want this."

"I don't want this." Matthew sighed. "I am not a Guardian."

The pair walked quietly for a while before Jack spoke again. "So, how have you been?"

"Well, I still open my wings every time I jump off a building." The blond shrugged. The Guardian of fun furrowed his eyebrows. He bit his lip and quickly apologized. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Birdie." Jack sighed shaking his head. Matthew didn't want him to be worrying about him. "Still drink?"

"Yep." The Reaper mumbled. "It doesn't do much, but it's a habit."

"If it doesn't do much why don't you stop?" The winter spirit asked raising an eyebrow. 

"I don't know. Maybe it will kill me eventually." Matthew shrugged. Jack looked away biting his tongue. They walked quietly again before the Guardian stopped at a door and opened it.

"Here, Birdie." Jack smiled leading him into the room. It was a simple bed room with a gigantic bed pushed up against one wall. "I'm right across the hall if you need anything."

"Alright, thanks Jackie." The Reaper said through a yawn. The Guardian smiled and went to the door. He hesitated for a moment before closing it behind him. 

Matthew sighed looking around. He knew he could just shadow jump away or open the window and fly away. He was too tired to bother doing either one. He didn't really want the Guardians to be trying to find him again. He really didn't want to be on their bad side, but he was getting annoyed. They didn't listen to him. The Reaper just wanted to be left alone.

The Canadian yawned loudly again rubbing his eyes. He went over to the bed and crawled in. He didn't bother getting under the covers. He just used his wings to cover himself and quickly fell asleep.

\-----❄️"The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared."❄️-----

The next morning, the Reaper woke up with a pounding headache like every other morning. He looked around not immediately knowing where he was, but then he remembered what happened yesterday. He groaned and rolled on to his stomach burying his face in the covers to hide from the morning light.

Matthew groaned again hearing a tapping. He peaked out slightly from under his hood looking at the window. He saw a raven tapping at the glass. He sighed and sat up going over to the window and opening it. He offered his forearm for the bird to land on. It flew in and perched on his arm as he closed the window. He took the message that was attached to his foot and read it.

"Well, that's a problem." The Canadian muttered. 

Death wanted to see him, but he couldn't really leave. The raven hopped up to his shoulder as he went to the bedside table. He opened it sighing in relief finding a pen. He flipped the paper over and wrote down what was going on. The Canadian said he'd be there when he could before giving the raven the paper back. He went back over and opened the window letting it fly away.

Matthew sighed and sat back on the bed. He didn't really know what time it was and there was no clock. He pulled out his phone, but it said it was five am. He wasn't sure if it was right for the time zone. The Reaper smiled seeing he still had a signal and immediately started to listen to music. He put one headphone in and laid back. He didn't exactly understand how the phone worked and connected, but he knew someone was paying for it. He had stolen the phone from a rich kid one day when he was curious. He knew it wouldn't be missed.

The Canadian sighed starting to work through some of the harder cases he had set aside. Most souls were processed subconsciously, but the more complicated situations he set aside. He made a good dent before he heard a knock on the door. He rolled onto his feet and went over opening it.

"Morning, Birdie." Jack greeted with a shy smile. He scratched the back of his neck. "Want to have breakfast with me?"

"You just want pancakes, don't you?" Matthew asked with a hint of a smile. 

"And your company." The Guardian smiled nervously.

"Okay." The Reaper agreed and Jack bounced excitedly. He took his hand and pulled him along to the kitchen. A few of the yetis looked at them as they passed. Matthew didn't really care, but he didn't want to cause the youngest Guardian any trouble.

Jack pulled him into a huge kitchen. He stopped, but didn't let go of his hand. The winter spirit stepped slightly closer to the Reaper and looked up at him. The blond didn't really mind the closeness, but knew he should step away. He always found it hard to be around Jack for long. He still loved him and he had to stay reserved and hold back.

"Sorry." The Canadian apologized stepping away from him. 

"It's okay, Birdie." The winter spirit said with a bright smile. He could see a blush of frost on his face and knew his own was red. 

Jack flew over to one of the cupboards and started to grab ingredients. Matthew walked over to where he was setting them and smiled. He set a bowl down in front of him and the Canadian started to make the batter. The winter spirit sat on the counter next to him and watched. He could barely see the Reaper's face under his hood. He always knew exactly what angle to have his head to hide his face in shadow.

"I miss us." Jack sighed. Matthew smiled sadly from under his hood, but didn't say anything. He sighed and went over to the stove. 

The winter spirit found him a pan and he started to cook. Once he finished cooking the pair sat and ate quietly. The Reaper was pretty hungry. He hadn't eaten since early yesterday and even then, it was mostly small snacks. The raven had flown in and landed on his shoulder. He looked seeing there was no message attached to its foot and kept eating.

"A raven?" Jack asked seeing the black bird.

"Yeah, Death wanted to see me earlier." Matthew shrugged. "Didn't go anywhere. Didn't think it would be the best idea to be running from the Guardians." 

"Yeah, they don't really give up." The winter spirit said with a small smile. The pair heard loud foot steps and looked over to the door. North stomped into the kitchen and smiled.

"Good morning!" The older Guardian greeted. "Ready to talk?"


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

North lead the pair back towards the globe room. The yetis had brought chairs out and the other Guardians were already seated. The Russian gestured for them to sit and they did. Matthew felt like he was about to be interrogated. 

"So, what is your name?" Tooth started.

"Birdie or Reaper will work." The Canadian said. He didn't really care if they knew his real name, but it was personal information. He really didn't want them to know much about him.

"Have you thought about being a Guardian?" North asked excitedly.

"Yes." Matthew nodded. It was a lie, he already made up his mind last night. "Still no."

"But you can't say no to Manny!" The Guardian of Wonder argued. Sandy made a moon and a question mark.

"Manny isn't my boss." The Reaper said shaking his head. The Guardians looked surprised. "Death is my boss. I answer to him."

Matthew noticed a shadow shift. He watched it out of the corner of his eye for a moment. He knew Pitch was there watching them. He could call him out, but decided to see what he'd do. The Raven on his shoulder noticed him to and cawed at him.

"Manny picked you though." North said slowly.

"The man in the moon picked you to be a Guardian?" Pitch laughed stepping out of the shadows towards the Guardians. They jumped up in surprise, but Matthew stayed seated. The King of Nightmares looked at all of them before his gold eyes settled on him. He smiled. "Hello, darling."

The Reaper just sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. He hated how Pitch talked to him.

"So you're a Guardian now too?" The spirit of darkness asked as Matthew stood up.

"Currently trying to convince them I'm not a Guardian." The Canadian said crossing his arms. He wanted to attack Pitch now and get the souls he stole back, but he didn't want to damage the pole. "I don't want to be a Guardian."

"They should know by a reaper's reputation alone that you're not." Pitch smiled. "Let alone your personal reputation!"

"No kidding, eh?" Matthew said with a small smile. He wondered if Pitch was helping his case.

The reapers didn't have the best reputation among spirits, but his personal reputation was worse. He never attacked anyone first, but he was attacked often. Depending on what kind of mood he was in the spirit could just walk away with few small cuts or beaten so bad they wouldn't be able to move for days, even with their quick healing. Matthew didn't like spirits and most didn't like him.

Pitch just smiled and stepped forward with a scythe in hand. The Guardians took a few steps back, but the blond took a step forward. The spirit of darkness brought a hoard of fearlings to his side before lunging at Matthew. The Reaper pulled his dagger and quickly waved the fearlings away before they could attack. He sidestepped around Pitch and slashed his back with his dagger. The King of Nightmares cried out in pain and jumped through a shadow. He reappeared in his first position and glared at him.

"Come on, you're ruining the fun." Pitch said with a smile. He clearly hadn't expected him to be there and wasn't prepared. 

The Canadian could see he was hiding the pain. Pitch moved to step back into the shadow, but Matthew caught him by the throat with his magic and forced him to the floor. The Nightmare King gasped and clawed at the almost invisible violet barrier around his throat. Matthew stepped forward and stood by him. He didn't want to create enough of a shadow for him to jump through. The Guardians were still watching in shock.

"Rest of the souls, please." The Reaper said with a sweet smile. He knew Pitch would be able to see his face. "Now." He growled. The Nightmare King shook his head baring his teeth. Matthew smirked and tightened the grip on his throat cutting off his air. "Give them up and I'll let you go, sweetheart."

Pitch gasped and struggled for breath. The Canadian smiled and increase the pressure more. The spirit of darkness's eyes widened and he quickly brought forward about half of the fearlings he had. Matthew quickly waved them away and let go of Pitch. 

"Good enough, I'll be there later to get the rest." He hummed. The Nightmare King nodded and quickly jumped into the nearest shadow. Matthew laughed seeing him run off with his tail between his legs.

"What is your relationship with Pitch?" Tooth asked gaining his attention. He had forgotten where he was.

"We 'dated' for a while a long time ago." The Reaper shrugged. The older Guardians looked disgusted. Jack already knew that and didn't really care. "It was more of an agreement. He wouldn't steal souls or make fearlings and I'd stay and keep him company. It was easier than fighting at first since I was new."

The Guardians still looked disgusted. He didn't really care what they thought about him. It was probably better that they didn't like him. Maybe they would leave him alone. He had had enough of them and was ready to leave. He made his decision clear and it wasn't going to change.

"Anyway, I've got other shit to do today." The Reaper said turning away from the Guardians. He wanted to go drink to cure his headache and see what Death needed. He quickly stepped into the closest shadow.

"Hey! Wait!" North called behind him, but he was already gone. The Guardian of wonder sighed. "He's gone."

"Birdie really isn't a people person." Jack shrugged as they looked at him. He wanted to get them to leave him alone. "He likes to be left alone for the most part."

"Well, we can't just leave him alone." Tooth said. "He's a Guardian."

"He clearly doesn't want to be a Guardian!" The winter spirit argued. "You really don't want to keep bugging him and piss him off."

"What Manny wants is more important." Bunny shrugged. He didn't like the Reaper, but he was picked and he wouldn't mind annoying him more.

\-----❄️"Take pride in your pain; you are stronger than those who have none."❄️----

Matthew sighed finishing off the bottle of whiskey he had stolen. He was happy to finally be away from the Guardians. He wiped his mouth setting the empty in one of the recycling bins on the street. The raven that was still on his shoulder pulled at his hood. 

"Oh, right." The Reaper muttered. He had almost forgotten about Death wanting to see him. He quickly spread his wings and lazily flew to his house. He knocked and heard the man call for him to come in. He did and easily found him in the library. "Sorry for being so late."

"That's alright. I got your message." Death said gesturing for him to follow. He lead him back into the living room and they both sat down. "Guardians huh?"

"Unfortunately." Matthew grumbled. He explained everything that had happened and the man listened. "Hopefully they'll just leave me alone, but I doubt it. I really don't want to fight them."

"Manny has said nothing to me about this." Death shook his head. "You do not have to be a Guardian."

"Well I'm not going to be either way." The Canadian said stubbornly shaking his head. "I don't want to be a Guardian."

"I'm sure you'll do just fine avoiding them." The man shrugged. "Well the big four anyways." He smiled and Matthew sighed rolling his eyes. "Anyway, your workload will be a bit heavy this week."

"Lovely." The Reaper sighed.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

A few weeks later...

The Reaper yawned blinking awake. He'd been sleeping for almost two days. He had just come off of a wave of souls and really needed it. He didn't have time to do much when the waves hit. Normally he was able to find a moment to drink, but this time he didn't. 

Matthew was thinking about getting up and going to get some now, but he hadn't really been hurting for it. He had thought a lot about what Jack had said, if it didn't do anything why bother. He sighed sitting up and putting his head in his hands. He still felt like he needed the alcohol, but he wanted to at least try and stop drinking. He hadn't drunk for almost a week because he was to busy too, but now he had time too. After a bit of debate he decided not to bother.

The Reaper had been thinking a lot about the winter spirit lately. His few happy memories were of his time with him. He still loved him and wouldn't mind trying again, but he knew he had to get a better handle on himself. His drinking had been the reason Matthew had left in the first place. He knew his drinking had affected the Guardian. He hated knowing he was hurting him and left. 

The Canadian sighed and looked up grabbing his book. He put one earbud in to listen to music while he read. He'd been keeping quiet and lying low lately. He knew the Guardians had been looking for him. He had fought a leprechaun a few days ago and he mentioned them. He had seen North's sleigh and Sandy's sand quite a few times. He just jumped into a shadow to avoid them. 

Matthew had gone a few days after leaving the pole and attacked Pitch. The King of Nightmares had pretty much just handed them over with almost no fight. He had been embarrassed in front of the Guardians and didn't want to fight.

The Reaper blinked as images flashed across his mind. He sighed and closed his book setting it a side. He stood up and stretched before shadow jumping outside. He spread his wings and started to fly.

\-----❄️" Memory is the happiness of being alone."❄️-----

Few weeks later... 

The Reaper growled pushing back against the summer spirit. He had been flying home when a trio of them attacked him, twin boys and a girl. He let them heard him into a forest. He wasn't in a good mood and was ready to get out some of his frustration. 

The woman made a fireball and threw it at him. He had been preoccupied with one of the twins and didn't notice it until it burned his arm. Matthew turned putting a force field up to protect his back. He caught the second ball with his magic and quickly threw it back in her face. He heard her cry out in pain as he jumped into a shadow reappearing behind her. He smiled and stabbed her in the back. 

One of the twins jumped at him. The Reaper growled and put up a force field. He threw the man against the tree with enough force to snap the tree and his back. The last twin was about to rush at him, but stopped as a cold wind blew through the forest. Jack was suddenly at his side and the twin bit his lip. He quickly stepped back and away from them helping his brother and the other spirit out of there.

"Jack." Matthew sighed with the slightest hint of annoyance. He was enjoying that fight.

"Are you okay?" The Guardian asked quickly spotting the burn. Matthew tugged his sleeves down to hide it. 

"I'm fine." The Reaper grumbled tucking his wings behind his back. Jack crossed his arms.

"Birdie." The winter spirit said looking up at him with worried eyes. 

Matthew sighed and rolled up his sleeve to show him the burn. It was hard for him to say no to Jack. The Guardian's eyebrows furrowed seeing the small burn. The flesh was red and blistered. He could see a few darker patches where it had been burned worse. He carefully put one of his cool hands over it trying to take the heat out. 

"That's bad, Matthew." Jack shook his head. He didn't move his hand knowing it was best for the Canadian's healing to keep the burn cool for a while. 

"It's fine." The Reaper shrugged. He knew it wasn't, but he didn't want the Guardian to worry.

"Birdie. It's bad." The winter spirit argued switching hands when his other got warm. "Let me take care of it."

"Jack, really." Matthew sighed. "I'm fine." 

"I know you probably won't take care of it well." Jack said giving him the eyes again. "Let me help, please." 

"Jack." The Reaper sighed meeting his eyes. He bit his lip. "Fine." 

The Guardian smiled and the wind picked them both up. He still hadn't taken his hand off his arm. Matthew wasn't used to flying without using his wings. He found it pretty unsettling. The wind carried them to the nearest drug store and carefully set them down. Jack pulled him inside taking him right to the gauze and bandage section. He picked out what he needed with one hand before leading him to the bathroom. 

"Put your arm under." The Guardian said turning on the tap to get cool water. Matthew nodded and did what he was told. Jack very gently wrapped the burn before giving him some pain medication. He just swallowed it without water. "Better?"

"Yeah." The Reaper said with a small smiled pulling his sleeve down. "Thank you." 

"No problem, Birdie!" The winter spirit hummed. The pair walked back outside.

"Are they still looking for me?" Matthew asked raising an eyebrow. 

"Yep." Jack sighed shaking his head. "I've tried to convince them to just leave you be, but what Manny says goes with them." He laughed. "But they haven't even caught a glimpse of you. Keep doing what you're doing to hide." 

"Oh, I'm definitely going to." The Reaper smiled. They stood quietly for a moment before Jack spoke again. 

"Have you been drinking?" He asked and Matthew shook his head. "I didn't think so. I couldn't smell it on you."

"I thought about what you said." The Canadian shrugged and Jack smiled. Matthew smiled back. "It's been about a month."

"Maybe we can try again?" The winter spirit asked hopefully. The Reaper hesitated.

"I might not be drinking right now, but it's only a matter of time before I find something else or go back to it." Matthew said looking down. 

"Drinking hasn't been doing anything for years probably, right? You haven't found or tried to find anything new?" Jack asked and the Reaper nodded. "Maybe you don't need anything anymore." 

"I don't know." The Canadian shrugged looking up at him. "I still love you and probably always will but, I don't want to hurt you again."

"Mattie, what hurt was when you left." Jack sighed. They hadn't really talked about this before. "I understand why you did leave, but I know we could have worked through it. It was harder not knowing if you were okay than it was finding you drunk and passed out." 

"I'm sorry." The Reaper said quietly. The Guardian pulled him into a tight hug and he hugged back. 

"I know how hard your job is, especially during that time. I don't blame you for wanting something that could take some of the pain away." Jack said not letting him go. "I wish you would have talked to me about it." 

"I didn't want to push my pain on to you." Matthew admitted. The winter spirit sighed and hugged him tighter.

"It would have been okay. A relationship is about sharing and communicating, or at least that's what I've heard people say a lot." The Guardian said pulling back slightly. He smiled nervously. "So, what do you think about trying again?"

"Okay." The Reaper said with a small smile after thinking for a moment.

Jack smiled excitedly and swept him off his feet swinging him around. Matthew laughed wrapping his arms around the winter spirits neck. He set him down, but kept his hands on his hips and he still had his arms around his neck. The winter spirit smiled looking up at him. He moved his hands up and traced the blond's jaw before brushing his hood down. 

"You're still absolutely adorable." Jack hummed and the Reaper smiled. He leaned in and Matthew closed the distance between them. He bit his lip asking for entrance and the Guardian immediately let him in. "I love you, Birdie." Jack said as soon as they broke apart.

"I love you too." The Canadian hummed. 

It felt like they'd never been apart. Matthew knew he would have to watch himself and not make the same mistakes as before. He wanted to be better for Jack. He knew he was probably going to be his motivating factor to keep going. He almost always had been.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

AN: The next like nine plus chaps will be in the past. Just small things on why Mattie is the way he is in this version. More on his and Pitch's relationship and his and Jack's too later.

Past, four centuries ago...

Matthew blinked awake looking around. He had no idea where he was or how he got there. He couldn't remember anything before now except his name. He sat up and looked down at his hands. There were no cuts or wounds and he felt fine, but confused. 

The Canadian stood up and immediately noticed something was different. There was a weight on his back and his centre of gravity was off. He reached and felt something soft growing from between his shoulder blades. He looked over his shoulder and gasped.

"What?" Matthew asked in disbelief. He could see the top of a black feathered wing. He spun trying to get a glimpse of the rest of it. He felt like a dog chasing its tail and stopped. He tried to move them and smiled. It felt normal to move just like any of his limbs, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't have the wings before. "Whoa."

The blond stretched one out and examined it. His feathers were pitch black except for the primaries and secondaries that were a bright gold. They were at least four feet longer than his arms. He moved and flexed them with a small smile. He wondered if he could fly.

Matthew jumped in surprise as a big black bird landed in front of him. He immediately recognized it as a raven. It cawed and flew at him trying to land on his shoulder. He yelped thinking it was trying to attack him and swatted at it. The raven landed back on the ground and cried at him again. He carefully crouched down in front of it almost falling over from the new weight on his back. He offered his arm for it to perch on and the raven did. It cawed and shook its foot making him notice a small piece of paper attached to it. He took and read it.

"Follow me?" The Canadian asked raising an eyebrow. The bird nodded and hopped off his arm. "I don't know if I can fly!" He called after the raven.

The black bird flew back over and landed cawing at him. It spread its wings and flapped showing him how. He raised an eyebrow, but copied its actions. As soon as he started it came instinctively. Before he knew it, he was flying awkwardly alongside the raven. He wasn't very good at first, but got better as they went. He wondered where the bird was leading him and why he felt obligated to follow.

The raven landed on a house's doorstep in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a dark forest. Matthew landed next to it. His landing wasn't graceful, he almost stumbled face first into the door. The bird seemed to laugh at him before pecking at the door. He bit his lip and knocked nervously. A few moments later the door opened revealing a tall man. The raven flew up and landed on his shoulder.

"Hello." The Canadian greeted nervously. The man smiled gently at him.

"Hello." He said extending his hand. Matthew took and shook it. "I'm Death. You are?"

"Matthew? My name is Matthew." The blond said.

"It's nice to meet you Matthew." Death said. His voice immediately put him at ease. "Come in. We have a lot to talk about."

The Canadian nodded and followed him in side. The raven stayed on the man’s shoulder as he lead him into a living room. He gestured for him to sit in one of the two arm chairs and he did. It was awkward with his new wings and he had to shift and adjust. 

"You know what I am?" Matthew asked eagerly.

"Yes. You are a reaper, the new Grim Reaper to be exact." Death said sitting across from him. The Canadian nodded. "Over the next few days you'll start to see deaths in your head. There is nothing you can do to stop them so you don't need to worry about helping the living. Your job is to help their souls afterward." He explained. Matthew listened nervously. "Most souls will find their way to you automatically and you'll judge them; we'll talk about that in a moment. Not all souls will come to you automatically though. Some will demand to be seen more prominently and need more help. Those are ones you'll have to go to and help."

"How will I find them?" The Reaper asked. He wasn't to fazed by what he was being told. It felt true and real to him.

"Your instincts will lead you too them. Just follow your instincts, it'll come naturally." The tall man explained. "Anyway, there is one basic rule for judging souls. If one has hurt another, they are to live out their victim’s life then spend some time in hell. Of course not all cases are simple and that's where your discretion comes in. Pick and sentence what you think is appropriate."

"That's a lot of responsibility." Matthew said and Death nodded.

"It is not an easy job, but you were picked and you'll do just fine. You don't need to worry." The man said reassuringly. The blond smiled nervously trusting him. "You also have powers. You can create and control spectres. You can make force fields and move things with your mind. Your singing voice will also paralyze people if it is directed at them."

"I don't know how to use them." The Canadian said biting his lip.

"Yet again, trust your instincts. It might take a little while to adjust, but you'll be fine. You will get tired from using them, but the more you use them the more stamina you'll have." Death said reassuringly. He sighed getting serious again. "Humans can't see you unless they believe in the Grim Reaper. If they don’t, they'll walk right through you. Other spirits can see you just fine. It's pretty easy to tell a spirit from a human." The man explained. "I have to warn you, most spirits do not like reapers. They will attack you on sight."

"I don't know how to fight." Matthew said shaking his head.

"Your powers are all defensive ones. You can get out of most situations with them uninjured." Death said. He sighed looking down. "Also, you are not fully immortal like others spirits. You won't age, but you can be killed. Too many wounds or sickness will do it."

"Alright." Matthew shrugged. It didn't bother him that much.

"Another thing, one spirit, his name is Pitch Black, he will try to steal souls from you." The man said as he remembered.

"What do I do to stop him?" The Reaper asked. 

"You'll have to fight him to get the souls back. Unless you figure out another way to get them back." The tall man explained. "He might try to make friends or charm you. Just be cautious."

"How do you know all of this?" Matthew asked curiously.

"I am your keeper. You can trust me with anything." Death said and the Canadian nodded. He already trusted the man quite a bit. "I know how hard your job will be. My door is always open if you're hurt or you need to talk."


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Past, one year later...

The Reaper hummed tiredly perching in a tree. He'd been settling well into his role as the Grim Reaper. At first what he saw scared him, but he got used to it after a few months. He didn't mind helping people, it felt natural to him. He had seen a few spirits here and there, but completely avoided them flying away. No one had stolen any souls. 

Matthew hadn't had to fight anyone yet, but he had been practicing with his powers. He'd gotten a lot better at flying too, he was more graceful. He felt pretty confident in his abilities just encase someone managed to corner him.

Death had told him things would come instinctively and he was right. He had also given him a long black robe with gold trim around the edges. The blond mentioned he liked having a big hood and his current clothes didn't have one. He visited the man almost every week. He was the only person he talked to except the souls and ghosts. He was pretty lonely, but he didn't mind it that much.

The Canadian blinked as images flashed across his mind. He quickly jumped out of the tree spreading his wings. He flew quickly wanting to get there as soon as possible. He swooped down and landed on the edge of the roof closest to the body. He was about to drop down into the alley, but a man stepped out of nowhere.

The man was tall, about an inch or two taller than him. He had grey skin and silvery gold eyes. His hair was black and slicked back revealing he had no eyebrows. The Reaper could see him smile as he walked closer to the body. His teeth were jagged and looked sharp. He knew this man must be Pitch Black.

Matthew quickly pulled the soul from the body and it shot up towards him. He judged it and it swirled away. The Nightmare King blinked in surprise looking up to where he was on the edge of the roof. Pitch smiled up at him as he glared down at him.

"Hello there." The spirit of darkness greeted. Matthew narrowed his eyes. "You must be the new reaper. I'm Pitch Black. I'm sure Death told you about me."

"He did. Don't worry, all good things." The Reaper said sarcastically rolling his eyes. Pitch laughed lightly. "What do you want with the souls?"

"To make fearlings and fight the Guardians." The spirit of darkness explained. "You're new, you probably wouldn't know about them."

"Guardians of Childhood; Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Sandman and Easter Bunny. You fight them because you want children's fear." Matthew shrugged. He'd heard a bit from Death. Pitch looked slightly impressed. "I don't understand why you go after kids. Adults have a lot more to fear."

"A child's fear is so much sweeter. Their innocents makes it more potent than an adult’s." Pitch explained. The way Death had talked about him he thought he would have attacked on sight. The spirit of darkness hadn't tried to yet. "You seem different from the other reapers."

"Yeah? How so?" The Canadian asked rolling his eyes. He crossed his arms looking down at him. 

Pitch stepped forward and disappeared. Matthew raised an eyebrow and shrugged. He stood from where he was and turned. He was about to walk away, but the spirit of darkness appeared in front of him. He just looked up at him with bored eyes.

"You're not afraid." The Nightmare King said. The Reaper met his eyes. "I know you have no fighting experience, no ones even seen you at all. Yet you're not afraid of me knowing my reputation."

"Why would I be afraid of someone I've never met?" Matthew asked. "Reputation means nothing to me."

"I like you." Pitch smiled. The Canadian just raised an eyebrow. "How about a deal?"

"What kind of deal?" Matthew asked sceptically.

"You know that reapers and I tend to not get along. That is because I steal souls from you." The spirit of darkness said and he nodded. "I will not steal souls from you if you live with me."

"Why would I do that?" The Reaper asked raising an eyebrow.

"We won't have to fight then." Pitch said with a small smile. "You seem like a person I would like to get to know. I know that reapers stay isolated, I do as well. We can keep each other company."

Matthew thought about it. Death had warned him about Pitch and how he'd try to charm him. He thought the deal was a good idea, but he didn't trust him. He wasn't afraid of the man. He thought he would be able to get away if he attacked. The Nightmare King knew he didn't like to fight. The Reaper didn't mind talking to him, but that could have been his loneliness showing through. He wanted to get a better idea of what exactly Pitch wanted.

"I will still have freedom to come and go as I please and do what I want?" The Canadian asked raising an eyebrow and shifted his wings slightly.

"Yes. I will not limit you in any way. I would just ask that you live with me." The spirit of darkness said. "I can protect you as well, provide care if your injured and of course, companionship." 

Matthew narrowed his eyes. It seemed like the king of Nightmares was willing to give a lot, but the Canadian was giving hardly anything in return. He didn't like what was implied.

Pitch immediately noticed. "I won't force you into anything either if that is what you're thinking. I know it will take time for you to trust me."

"It definitely will." Matthew said. He may be young, but he felt like he'd be able to get away if he needed too. He made his decision. "Okay, I'll try this."

"Deal?" The King of Nightmares smiled extending his hand. 

The Reaper took and shook it. "Yes, deal." He said.

\-----❄️" You may lie."❄️-----

Past, few months later...

"You're picking this up well." Pitch hummed proudly watching him step out of a shadow. The Canadian smiled seeing how proud he was. He watched as the spirit of darkness stepped into a shadow and jumped as a hand ghosted along his neck. "It seems like you were meant to have this power."

"Yeah, it's pretty easy when you get the hang of it." Matthew said through a yawn. It did make him pretty tired and took a lot of magic. 

The pair had been living together for a couple of months. The Reaper had been very cautious and guarded at first, but realized Pitch was just lonely too. He had given him his own room and bed. The spirit of darkness always made him meals and loved to talk to him. They both enjoyed reading and talked a lot about the books they read. Matthew liked having someone to come home and talk too. It took his mind away from his job for a while.

Pitch had been all over him lately. He was always brushing against him or touching him. He was constantly complementing him and making him blush. The Reaper hadn't understood his actions at first, but realized that he was trying to court him. He wasn't sure he wanted something like that with him. He saw Pitch as a friend, but didn't want to risk their deal and have to fight.


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Past, month later...

Matthew yawned sleepily sitting up in bed. He had gotten back to Pitch's lair, his home, late last night. He had left to help a spirit and ended up falling asleep in a tree. By the time he got home it was pretty much morning. 

Pitch had been there to greet him with a bouquet of twelve red and violet roses. The flowers were so dark they were almost black, but the Reaper could tell their colour. He had blushed and stuttered out a thank you. He knew the meaning behind the number and colour of flowers. 

The Nightmare King had smiled gently seeing how flustered he was. He let him go off to bed seeing how tired he was. He hoped Matthew knew the meaning behind them or was curious enough to look into it. Pitch had been trying to woo the beautiful blond with some luck. He could never smell any fear coming from him when he made advances. He didn't seem to mind the little touches and compliments. He'd been giving him small gifts, mostly books, here and there. The spirit of darkness loved seeing how happy he got from getting new books.

The Reaper yawned again stretching his wings. He stood up and ran a hand through his hair. His feathers had been bothering him and it had been a while since he preened last. He stepped through a shadow to outside the cave and climbed into a tree. He didn't like preening inside. It always left feathers everywhere and they were a pain to clean up. 

Matthew hummed as he started to move through the rows cleaning and realigning them. He picked out the old and bad ones for new ones to start to grow. It was slow going and monotonous, but it gave him something to do.

"Good morning, Matthew." Pitch said stepping out of a shadow under him. He looked down and smiled. "How are you?"

"Good." The Canadian hummed finishing up the last row of feathers. One dropped down and landed in the spirit of darkness's hair. He laughed jumping out of the tree and landed next to him. He reached up and took the feather from his hair twirling it between two fingers. "Sorry."

"That's alright." The Nightmare King smiled.

"Oh, thank you again for the roses." The Reaper said his face growing red again. "I really appreciated them."

"You're welcome." Pitch said. He noticed the blond had some hair falling over his eyes. He reached out gently brushing it behind his ear. 

The Nightmare King smiled and looped an arm around Matthew's back pulling him closer. He looked up at him nervously, but there was no actual fear. The Reaper's hands went to his chest and his fingers tangled in his robe as Pitch leaned down. He relaxed slightly as their lips met, but was too nervous to move. He didn't want to mess anything up. The spirit of darkness didn't seem to mind or notice.

"I like you, Matthew." Pitch said. The Canadian had never seen him look nervous before. "You're very intriguing. I want to know everything about you."

"Pitch, I..." The Reaper started, but was cut off by a raven. It flew in between them and landed on his shoulder. The big black bird cawed at him eagerly.

"Death waits for no one." The Nightmare King grumbled giving the bird an annoyed look. He stepped back letting the blond go.

"Sorry." Matthew apologized taking the note from its foot and reading it. He sighed. "Death wants to see me."

"We'll talk when you get back." Pitch said and the Reaper nodded. "Have a good flight."

"I will, thank you." The blond smiled spreading his wings and flew after the bird. 

The flight to Death's was fairly long and he had enough time to collect his thoughts. Matthew knew Pitch would make a move eventually after the roses, but he didn't think it would be so soon. He didn't really think of the man as a romantic partner. He had only ever saw him as a friend and the kiss hadn't changed that. He sighed as he landed at Death's door.

"Come in!" He heard the man call as he knocked. He turned the nob and pushed in. The raven led him into the library where he found Death. "Good to see you Matthew. Please, sit." 

"Is everything alright?" Matthew asked worriedly. It wasn't often Death needed him so suddenly.

"There will be a plague starting this month." Death sighed. "Mother Nature informed me of the numbers. Your workload will be larger for the coming months."

"Oh, okay." The Reaper said.

"Are you feeling well?" The man asked raising an eyebrow. Matthew sighed. He couldn't hide anything from him. He felt all his negative emotions and pain. "Has Pitch done something?"

"No." The Canadian said biting his lip. He had told Death about their deal. He knew he wasn't too happy, but the man knew to let the reapers do what would work for them. "Well, Pitch kissed me. I didn't mind it, but I don't know if I want something like that with him."

"Don't let him push you into something you don't want." Death said and Matthew nodded. "My door is always open if you need to talk or want to escape."

"I know." The Reaper smiled. "Thank you."

Death stood and he did too. He lead him back to the door reminding him again about what he said before sending him off. Matthew smiled and thanked him again before starting to fly home. Pitch didn't scare him, he never had. He decided to let it happen and see where it lead them. He trusted that the Nightmare King would stop if he smelled fear from him. 

The Reaper also didn't want to anger or upset him by rejecting him. He saw the way Pitch fought when a spirit accidentally wandered into their cave. He didn't want to risk messing up their deal. He knew it was probably his loneliness shining through that was getting him to go along with this.

Matthew landed in a crouch at the edge of the cave and hopped down. He looked around not seeing Pitch in the main room. He stepped through a shadow to the library and spotted him in an arm chair reading.

"I'm back." The blond announced getting his attention. The Nightmare King looked up and smiled. He closed his book and set it on the chairs arm. Matthew walked over and settled in a chair next to him. "I might not be around much this month. There's supposed to be a plague."

"Oh, thank you for telling me." Pitch said with a gentle smile. He bit his lip. "What were you going to say earlier before we were rudely interrupted?"

"Oh, ummm..." The Reaper said nervously. He could feel the blush on his cheeks. "I was going to say, I like you too. I wouldn't mind getting to know you more as well."

The Nightmare King sighed in relief. "Was it alright that I kissed you?"

"Yes." Matthew said. It was odd to see the spirit of darkness insecure. He really hadn't minded the kiss, it felt nice. "But I don't know if I want to move past just kissing."

"That's fine. I want you, not your body." Pitch shrugged and the Reaper smiled. He didn't expect him to be so accepting either.


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Past, few years later...

The Reaper huffed rolling up his sleeves with a groan. He was helping a soul in the middle of the desert and it was so hot. The man's business partner dragged him out into the heat saying he found diamonds, but had just killed him instead. The soul showed him the whole story. He promised to be harsh on his business partner. The soul was satisfied and swirled away.

"Oh, hello there Reaper!" Someone said from behind him. Matthew stood up and turned quickly spotting a man. He had tan skin and red hair. His eyes were orange and he had a dark dusting of freckles over his cheeks. He guessed the man was a fire spirit by looks. "You're really good at hiding. I've been looking for you for years!"

The Canadian took a step back as the man snapped his fingers making a flame. He didn't want to fight and looked for a shadow. The fire spirit laughed and quickly lunged at him. Matthew yelped in surprise spreading his wings and hopping into the air. The man growled and grabbed his ankle leaving a burn. He pulled him down out of the sky. The Reaper landed hard on his wing with a cry.

"You're the weakest one I've fought yet." The fire spirit said with a cocky smile. Matthew glared up at him. Something was off about his speech. He wasn't sure what it was, but it wasn't from an accent. The Canadian made a move to get up, but he just kicked his ribs making him fall back onto his already injured wing. Matthew growled angrily wanting to get away from the man. "Oh, so scary. You don't even carry a weapon do you?"

"You wired me awake and hit me with a hand of broken nails. You tied my lead and pulled my chain to watch my blood begin to boil." Matthew sang starting to skitter backwards trying to get distance in between them. The man just stepped after him with a smirk, he wasn't paralyzed. "But I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my, gonna break my rusty cage and run. I'm gonna break, I’m gonna break my, gonna break my rusty cage and run."

"Not going to work on me Reaper." The fire spirit smiled. He tapped his ear. Fear started to bubble up in his stomach. "Deaf in one and can't hear out of the other."

The Reapers eyes widened as the man just kept advancing. The fire spirit tried to kick him again, but he grabbed his foot and pulled him down. Matthew picked up a handful of sand and threw it at him. He quickly rolled onto his feet and looked for a shadow. He didn't think to protect his back as he moved. He cried out in pain as he felt something cut and burn his side. The blond quickly turned back to the fire spirit and put up a force field in time to block another knife.

"You'll be an easy kill." The man purred throwing another knife at the field. It lodged in it making it crack, but didn't go through. 

Matthew growled dropping the force field and making a new one. He was bleeding and in pain. It was hard to keep focus. His breathing was quick and panicked. He knew he needed to get away as soon as possible, he knew he couldn't win a fight and it scared him. 

The fire spirit was about to throw another knife, but stopped. His expression shifted from cocky to terrified. The Reaper looked to his side seeing Pitch with his scythe in hand. He looked furious. The fire spirit took a step back and was about to run. The Nightmare King growled angrily swinging his scythe. He easily struck the man in the neck. He crumpled in a heap and didn't move.

"Matthew?" Pitch asked carefully turning to him. He offered his hand and the Canadian took it. The Nightmare King could see the pain in his eyes. He was swaying and almost fell. Pitch picked him up bridal style. "Let's get you home and taken care of."

"It hurts." The Reaper said quietly wrapping his arms around Pitch's neck.

"I know." The spirit of darkness said creating a shadow and stepping through it. 

Pitch took them through to their kitchen. He carefully set the blond down on one of the kitchen chairs. He had noticed Matthew seemed to be favouring one wing. He stepped through another shadow grabbing his medical supplies before going back to the Reaper. He set the kit on the table next to him and looked up at Matthew. He nodded and Pitch carefully peeled back his shirt to see the wound. He blotted the blood away before cleaning and stitching it closed. The Canadian never expected Pitch to be so caring, but no one thought a reaper would be gentle and kind.

The Nightmare King tapped his knee telling him to put his foot up. He did and Pitch looked over the hand shaped burn shaking his head. 

"There's nothing I can do for the burn." Pitch sighed wrapping it so it wouldn't get infected. Matthew just shrugged. "How is your wing?" 

"Sore." The Reaper said. "I think it's just a sprain. I didn't hear anything break."

"Alright." The spirit of darkness said closing the medical kit. "Why didn't you sing? Or shadow jump? Or fly? Anything to prevent the injuries?"

"There weren't any shadows. The man was deaf and I couldn't fly with my wing." Matthew said shaking his head. This was the first time a spirit managed to hurt him before he was able to get away. "I don't know how to fight and I don't carry a weapon."

"We should change that." Pitch said. The Reaper looked up at him. "It would give me peace of mind knowing you can defend yourself if your powers aren't affective. I don't know if I'll always be available to help you."

"Will you teach me?" Matthew asked. He knew it was a good idea to learn how to fight. 

"Of course." Pitch smiled pressing a kiss to his forehead.

\-----❄️" Fear dims when you learn things."❄️-----

Past, few years later...

The Nightmare King had taught him well. He was one of the most dangerous spirits and a good teacher. Matthew picked it up just as easily as he did shadow jumping. He knew how to use just about any weapon, but favoured a short sword or dagger. He now stayed and fought every spirit he encountered to get more experience. 

Pitch had watched him from the shadows the first few times. He was confident that the Reaper could easily protect himself and left him alone. He was very proud of him. Matthew didn't mind fighting as much as he thought he would. It helped him get some frustration out. 

The Reaper knew he'd changed a bit in the last few years. He knew he'd become more hostile and grumpier towards spirits. He liked being left alone and they constantly pestered and attacked him. He didn't mind living with Pitch though. He still enjoyed talking about books and having tea with him. They were still 'dating,' but Matthew didn't have feelings for him. He was fond of him, he was one of his only friends. He was happy enough where he was, but he did feel kind of stuck.

AN: Song used is ‘Rusty Cage’ by Johnny Cash.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Past, few years later...

Matthew gasped awake and groaned. He looked around immediately recognizing his surroundings. He was still in the library on a couch with Pitch. He sighed carefully brushing the spirit of darkness's arms from around his waist. A soul had woken him needing help. He stood up and stretched flexing his wings. 

"Matthew?" Pitch asked looking up at him sleepily. He groaned rolling over with a huff. The pair had fallen asleep reading together.

"I'll be back." The Reaper said with a small smile. 

The Nightmare King nodded slowly as he fell back asleep. Matthew stepped through the closest shadow to outside. He spread his wings and started to fly. He followed his instincts to one of the big cities.

The Reaper landed by the house and stepped through a shadow inside. He found the body in the kitchen and sighed. He knelt down next to her pulling her soul forward. The soul showed him what happened. The woman had lived on the good side of town in a huge house. She had everything she could have ever wanted, but her husband had gotten home late and was angry from the day. She tried to speak with him, but he snapped. Matthew promised to be harsh with him and sent her soul away. 

The Canadian stood up and turned. He stepped through a shadow back outside. He yawned loudly spotting a tree and sighing. He walked over and climbed into it. He settled and sighed closing his eyes. The Reaper didn't feel like flying home, he was too tired. 

Souls had been waking him up in the middle of the night a lot lately. He hadn't had a good night’s sleep in a while. He'd been tired trying to adjust his sleep schedule to fit, but it was unpredictable. He couldn't tell when a soul would need him. 

Matthew yawned closing his eyes and resting his head against the trunk. He was able to fall asleep quickly.

\-----❄️" Be proud of your pain, for you are stronger than those with none."❄️----- 

The Reaper was woken up a few hours later by another soul. He yawned loudly and spread his wings jumping out of the tree. He started to fly towards the soul. He hummed quietly to himself as he flew. He let his instincts guide him, but suddenly he felt lost. He paused and flew in a circle, but there was nothing. 

Matthew dropped down and landed on the ground. He looked around and tried to feel for the soul. It was there, but very faint. He started to follow it again. Before he knew it, he was at home. The Reaper easily put two and two to gather realizing what had happened. He growled angrily and jumped down into the cave. He looked around, but didn't spot Pitch. He stepped through a library and saw him in a chair reading.

"Welcome back home darling." Pitch smiled seeing him. He closed his book setting it a side. "How are you?"

"Don't 'darling' me!" Matthew snapped angrily. The Nightmare King looked confused at him. "Give me back the soul you took!"

"Soul? I haven't taken any souls." The spirit of darkness lied standing up. "What's gotten into you?"

"Don't lie to me." The Reaper said raising his wings to make himself look bigger. "I know it's here. You have it."

"Matthew, really. I haven't taken a soul." Pitch lied crossing his arms.

"Pitch." The Canadian said warningly. He knew the spirit of darkness was lying. "Give it back."

"No." The Nightmare King shook his head. "I can't. I need it to make a fearling. I need the fearling to defeat the Guardians." 

"You don't need it. You want it." The Reaper growled angrily. "This is my job. To protect and help the souls to the other side. I can't let you have it."

"Please, Matthew." Pitch pleaded. He could see how angry the blond was. "Let me borrow a few for a while to fight the Guardians."

"No." The Reaper said. "Our deal was you wouldn't take a single soul."

"I know, but-” The spirit of darkness started, but Matthew cut him off.

"Our deal is over." The Reaper said. He was angry, but he still didn't really want to hurt his closest companion. He didn't trust him at all anymore. "Give it back and I'll leave peacefully."

"I really thought you'd be different." Pitch said making a scythe. Matthew pulled his dagger ready for a fight. "I won't just give it back."

"That's fine." The Reaper said drawing the dagger the Nightmare King had given him. He was calmer now. He knew to never fight angry.

Matthew growled and jumped at Pitch. He slashed at his chest, but the spirit of darkness jumped out of the way. He swung his scythe. The Canadian jumped backwards into a shadow reappearing behind him. Pitch blocked his attack and countered pushing him back. He created a shadow and dropped into it. 

The Reaper spun with his wings covering his sides waiting for the spirit of darkness to reappear. He heard him step and turned. He managed to put up a force field just in time to stop a swing from the Nightmare Kings scythe. Matthew grabbed the weapons pole pulling it from Pitch's hands. He quickly created two force fields, one in front and one behind, trapping the spirit of darkness in between them. They glowed just enough that there was not enough of a shadow to escape through.

"Give it back." Matthew said calmly. Pitch was struggling trying to get away. He wasn't paying attention to him so he increased the pressure. The man gasped and struggled. "Now!"

"No!" Pitch growled. The Reaper narrowed his eyes and increased the pressure. He knew if he pushed further it would crack his ribs. "I won't give it back." Matthew sighed sadly and increased the pressure. The man cried out in pain as his ribs started to crack. "Fine! Fine! Just stop!"

Pitch brought the fearling forward and the Reaper waved it away. He lessened the pressure, but kept him pinned.

"You know, if you would have just given it back and apologized, I would have forgiven and given you another chance." Matthew looked up meeting his eyes. "Don't expect me to be so gentle and lenient with injuries if you take a soul again."

"I'm sorry, I need to beat the Guardians." Pitch said looking down.

"No, you don't. You just want too." The Reaper said shaking his head. "This is your fault. You didn't have to steal the soul, but here we are."

The Reaper dropped him unceremoniously onto the floor. He put his dagger away and stepped through the nearest shadow to outside. He spread his wings and started to fly wanting to get some distance between them. He felt bad for hurting Pitch, but it was his job to protect the soul. He was his friend and closest companion for almost twenty years. Matthew didn't really know where he was going, but he didn't really want to be alone. He changed his course to Death's.

The man already knew he was coming. His door was open and he had food for him. The Canadian was very grateful for the mothering for the night. In the morning, he got up and started again. He easily went back to his old nomadic lifestyle and didn't mind being alone.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Past, a decade later...

Matthew sighed quietly resting his head against the tree he was perched in. He'd been having a long day and was exhausted. He had fought Pitch earlier in the day then right after he had been attacked by a spirit. He hadn't got any injuries from either fight, but he was still tired.

At first it was weird to be on his own, but he didn't mind. He found a place to live up in Canada that had some friendly ghosts. It never got too hot and most humans didn't go anywhere near it. Death had offered a room at his house, but Matthew liked to be off on his own for the most part. 

"Hey! Who are you?" Someone called. The Reaper growled raising his wings and pulling his dagger on instinct. He spotted a man with white hair looking up at him. He didn't know who this guy was, he had never seen him before. The white haired man quickly put his hands out in front of him showing he didn't have anything, but a staff. "I don't want to fight." 

"Then why are you here?" Matthew asked relaxing slightly. He hadn't met a spirit that didn't want to fight. It was something new. 

"I don't know. I saw you and wanted to talk. Everyone always wants to fight. I just want to make friends." The man sighed. The Reaper felt a cold wind blow that ruffled his feathers. He guessed this man was a winter spirit. "My names Jack. What's yours?" 

"Matthew." He said putting his dagger away. Jack didn't seem hostile and it put him at ease. He was still slightly suspicious of him and was ready to disappear through a shadow at any moment. 

"It's nice to meet you Matthew!" The winter spirit smiled brightly. Snow was falling lightly and it was sticking on his wings and coat. He shook it off tucking his wings behind his back and sat on the branch. "Do you like winter?"

"Yeah, cold is better than heat." The Reaper shrugged. "Winter is pretty." 

"Thank you!" The winter spirit said with a bright smiled. "Who are you? Are you Death or Pitch?" 

"Oh, ah, no." Matthew shook his head biting his lip. "Death is my boss. I'm the Grim Reaper." 

"O-oh." Jack stuttered looking up at him nervously. "You don't seem anything like what others say." 

"Most spirits don't like reapers. I don't really like spirits." The Canadian shrugged. "They attack me pretty often. It's pretty much a right of passage for new spirits to attack me." He sighed. "I won't actually hurt them unless they attack me first. I don't go looking for fights like most spirits do. I don't like to fight, but I will."

"I'm the same way. A lot of spirits don't like winter spirits, mostly just other seasonals." The white haired man said. He sat on the forest floor and looked up at him. Matthew knew he could see his face and hopped out of the tree to sit across from him. "I normally just fly away. I don't stay and fight." 

"I do." The Reaper said. "Hopefully it'll get them to leave me alone."

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Jack asked sadly. Matthew shook his head and shrugged.

"I don't have a problem with you. You haven't made a move to attack me and I don't mind your company." He said and the winter spirit smiled.

"Okay!" Jack said happily. The Reaper couldn't help, but smile back. He thought the winter spirit was a nice person. He acted happy go lucky, but he could see the loneliness underneath it. "Can humans see you?" He asked curiously.

"Some can yes." Matthew said. The winter spirit looked hopeful. "It's normally not a good thing when someone sees me. It means they're close to death or looking for it. Some think I'm the devil and try to sell their soul to me." 

"I've never had someone see me." Jack sighed. "I want them too, but not for a negative reason." 

"That's understandable." Matthew said and the winter spirit smiled. He knew he probably hadn't talked to anyone in years. He had Death and the ghosts as friends, but Jack didn't seem to have anyone. Images flashed across the Reaper's mind. He sighed and stood up. "I'm sorry. I have to go." 

"Can I talk to you again sometime?" The white haired man asked shyly. He stood up as well. He didn't realize how tall the Canadian was until he straightened up.   
"Yes." Matthew said with a small smile. "Just don't sneak up on me." 

"Okay. I don't want to ruffle your feathers." Jack teased with a laughed. The Reaper sighed and rolled his eyes. He stuck out his hand. "It was nice to meet you, Matthew." 

"It was nice to meet you too, Jack." The Canadian hummed taking and shaking his hand. He let go and spread his wings.

"See you later!" Jack called as he flew away. 

\-----❄️" Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps the singing bird will come."❄️----- 

Past, a few years later...

Matthew smiled spotting Jack in the air. He waved as he dipped down and landed on the edge of the building next to him. 

"Hello, Jackie." The Reaper greeted. 

"Hi Mattie!" Jack said with a bright smile. He leaned over and hugged the blond. He didn't really mind and hugged back. The winter spirit had been doing that a lot lately. "What did you do today?" 

"Not much. Just went to visit Death." Matthew shrugged. He didn't really want to tell him what else he did today. It wasn't pretty. "What about you?"

"I cause two storms and tried to get into the pole again." Jack smiled. "Still didn't get passed the yetis." 

The Reaper laughed and rolled his eyes. The winter spirit smiled gently seeing his friend laugh. He had noticed Matthew hadn't been himself lately. He always used to smile and laugh all the time. He'd been a lot quieter and more reserved. Jack had asked, but the Canadian shrugged it off saying it was nothing. He really wanted to know what was wrong and if he could help.

"Hey, Mattie?" The winter spirit asked looking over at him. He looked back and tilted his head questioningly. Jack changed his mind last second. "Why do you never take your hood down?" 

"I don't know." The Reaper shrugged. "I've never thought about it." 

"I've never seen your face before, I'm curious." The winter spirit said with a nervous smile. He had only caught small glimpses of his face, but not much. He reached out towards him. "Can I?" 

"Sure." Matthew said nervously biting his lip. 

The Reaper trusted Jack, but no one except Pitch and Death had properly seen his face. He didn't have a problem with the way he looked, but was still hesitant to let anyone see him. The winter spirit reached up and carefully brushed his hood down. 

Jack smiled seeing his face. He followed the gentle curve of his jaw with his fingers drawing back to look at him. He could see a faint dusting of freckles on his cheeks and nose. He had shoulder length strawberry blond hair and tired violet eyes. The winter spirit had never met someone that looked so gentle. Although he knew the blond was definitely capable of beating most spirits in a fight. The white haired spirit looked up and met his eyes. He noticed Matthew looked nervous. 

"You're adorable." Jack said with a bright smile. "Your hair matches some of your feathers." 

"Thanks." The Reaper said with a small smile. He knew he had a small blush on his face and hoped the winter spirit would chock it up the cold.

"You remind me of a bird. Not just your wings either." The white haired man smirked. "I think I'll call you Birdie."


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

Past, a few decades later...  
Matthew smiled as one of the ghost children pulled his hood down. He put it back up and she immediately took it down again with a giggle. He smiled at the little girl and she reached out booping his nose. Both of them laughed. There was another child playing with one of his wings and another on his back.

"Mattie, can you please sing for us?" One of the other children asked. He was sitting cross legged in front of him.

The Reaper smiled gently. Sitting and talking with the ghost kids always made his day better. Especially nowadays when he found it hard to be happy. 

"Sure, what would you like to hear?" The Canadian asked and the kids bounced with excitement. They rushed over and sat in front of him.

"Anything!" The children said and Matthew nodded. He didn't know a lot of songs and quickly made up his mind. He didn't sing often, during a fight or not. He didn't mind his voice, but only really sang when a ghost asked him to. The Reaper liked having fair fights with spirits and singing made it boring.

"When I was a child, I heard voices. Some would sing and some would scream. You soon find you have few choices. I learned the voices died with me." The Reaper sang. The children sat and listened intently. They didn't really understand the lyrics, but enjoyed his voice. "When I was a child, I'd sit for hours. Staring into open flame. Something in it had a power. Could barely tear my eyes away." Matthew kept singing not feeling the wind or the temperature drop. "All you have is your fire and the place you need to reach. Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep 'em on a leash."   
Jack perched in the rafters of the old building listening to the Reaper. He had never heard him sing before. He never knew that his voice was so beautiful; the winter spirit felt almost hypnotized by it. He didn't want to move and risk getting caught and him stopping. He never wanted him to stop.

"When I was a man, I thought it ended. When I knew love's perfect ache, but my peace has always depended, on all the ashes in my wake. All you have is your fire and the place you need to reach. Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep 'em on a leash." Matthew fell silent. Jack smiled hopped out of the rafters. He landed beside him and the Canadian gasped looking up in surprise. "Oh, Hi Jack." 

"Hello, Birdie." The white haired spirit smiled as he sat on the floor next to him. He wondered who he was singing for or if it was for anyone. He didn't really know why Matthew was here and sitting on the floor either. "Your voice is beautiful." 

"You heard that?" Matthew asked embarrassedly. Jack nodded and the Canadian bit his lip. "Thank you." He said nervously.

"No problem!" The winter spirit said with a bright smile. He felt something brush up against him and he knew it wasn't the Reaper. He jumped in surprise ending up in Matthew's lap clinging to him. "What was that?!" 

"Jack! It's okay." The Reaper laughed lightly at his reaction. He was busy hiding his face in the blond's chest. "They're just ghosts." He said quietly enough for the children not to hear him. "They're friendly."

"What?" Jack asked nervously peaking out. He spotted a translucent little girl looking at him curiously. He wondered how he didn't see her before. He saw another pair of children appear out of thin air.

"Children, this is my friend Jack." Matthew said. "And Jack, these are Elizabeth, Abby and Peter." 

"Hello?" The winter spirit said nervously. 

"Hi!" One of the girls greeted. 

"H-hello." Jack repeated biting his lip. "I'm Jack."

"My name is Elizabeth, but everyone calls me Liz!" The little ghost girl smiled. She reached out towards him, but noticed his expression and drew back. "We're friendly. Just watch out for Mr. Schminke."

"Mr. Schminke?" The winter spirit asked looking up at the Reaper nervously. He was still in his lap clinging to his coat.

"Their teacher. He's very strict." Matthew explained. He wanted him to feel comfortable around the ghosts. "He won't harm you. You won't even see him."

"That's comforting." The winter spirit muttered looking back at the ghost children.

Jack was still scared of the ghosts. He wasn't really sure why he was, but he just had a bad feeling about them. He knew he should have been excited that they could see him. Matthew easily picked up on his discomfort and only stayed to speak with the children for a couple more minutes. He said goodbye and went to get up, but the winter spirit was still in his lap. 

"Oh, sorry." Jack apologized a blush of frost spreading across his face.

The winter spirit quickly stood up and offered Matthew a hand. He took it and the white haired spirit pulled him up. He thanked him tucking his wings behind his back before they walked out of the old building. 

"How have you been Birdie?" Jack asked looking over at him.

"Alright." The Reaper lied with a smile lightly rubbing his wrists subconsciously. He pulled up his hood now that they were outside  
.   
Jack had finally got him to tell him why he seemed off the last couple years. Matthew didn't tell him at first just brushing him off telling him it was nothing, but he finally told him after the white haired spirit asked a few more times. He told him what his job was and what he saw. He didn't go into any details, just a basic description. Matthew said that he used to be able to think positive, but it had been getting harder and harder. The winter spirit didn't exactly know how to comfort him, but stayed by his side. He started to find and talk to him every single chance he got. He wanted his friend to be happy.

The Reaper had also told him about his immortality. Jack noticed a cut on the back of his hand one day. It was still there a few days later. He knew it should have healed already and asked him about it. Matthew trusted the winter spirit. He knew Jack wouldn't try to hurt him and told him. He said that the reapers weren't fully immortal and could die if they were injured enough or sick. He said it was meant as an escape if they couldn't handle it anymore. 

Jack was immediately more worried. He didn't want to lose his only friend. He couldn't really imagine being around without him, but didn't want him to feel trapped. 

"Want to go steal some pastries?" Jack asked with a bright smile. Matthew looked over meeting his eyes and smiled back. His smile was always contagious. 

AN: I did try to find a song from the late eighteen hundreds, but I didn't particularly like them that much. They were mostly hymns and were pretty short. So I ended up picking 'Arsonist's Lullaby' by Hozier cuz it's a song I've been listening to a lot recently. Sorry if there was weird formatting on this chap and the last.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Past, a few years later...

Matthew sighed looking down at his arms. They were covered in dozens of small cuts in different stages of healing. He wasn't sure why he started cutting, but he couldn't stop. Each cut was for a soul he had to help, a soul the world failed. He knew if he cut deep enough it could kill him. 

The Reaper thought about doing it more than once, but had always backed out. Every soul he had helped that had committed suicide instantly regretted it. They had found a reason to live in death. He didn't want to be like that, he didn't want to make the same mistake.

"Birdie?" 

Matthew panicked hearing Jack's voice. He quickly pushed his sleeves back down, but he'd already seen. The white haired spirit grabbed his wrist and the blond hissed in pain. The winter spirit pushed up his sleeves seeing cuts. He immediately pulled him into a tight hug and wouldn't let him go.

"Please don't hurt yourself." Jack said quietly. He sounded disappointed. Matthew didn't say anything and didn't move. "Please."

"I'm sorry." The Reaper said holding back tears. He never wanted anyone to know or find out. He was embarrassed by it. He didn't want to disappoint his friend. "Je suis vraiment désolé."

"Why are you hurting yourself?" The winter spirit asked pulling back looking into his eyes. Matthew wouldn't meet them and kept his downcast. "Is their anything I can do?"

"No." The Canadian shook his head tears finally spilling over. "I don't know." Jack pulled him into a hug again and he cried into his shoulder. "I don't want to do it. I started and I can't stop."

"You can stop." The white haired man said confidently. He shook his head. "I know you can, Birdie."

"How?" Matthew asked quietly. It had been a year or two since he started, but it had become a habit.

"Well." Jack started. "How about every time you want to cut yourself, you'd have to cut me too? Every single cut you do on yourself is one on me."

"I can't hurt you." The Reaper mumbled.

"Then you can't hurt yourself." The winter spirit said. Matthew shook his head. "You're my best friend, Mattie. I can't let you hurt yourself."

\-----❄️" Things seem more when you’re little. They seem bigger, and distances seem farther."❄️-----

Past, one year later...

The Reaper sighed shakily. He slid down the alley wall and cocooned himself in his wings. He didn't know what to do anymore. The world's population was growing which meant there were more deaths. It was getting harder and harder for him to keep up. 

Death said that he'd be able to grow with the population, but he didn't want to keep up. The man seemed to realize it was probably a matter of time before he'd be needing a new reaper. Matthew had been the longest surviving reaper by far, but he knew it wouldn't last forever.

Jack had been the only thing that had kept him going. After the winter spirit found him cutting the first time Matthew tried to stop. He wasn't able to right away, but the winter spirit had been patient and encouraging. He had relapsed more than once, but Jack had been there to stop him and help patch him up. He reminded him of what he had said before.

Matthew had realized his feelings for the winter spirit had shifted. It took him a while to actually come to terms with them. His relationship with Pitch had been an agreement. He never really loved him, but Jack was different. He wanted to tell him, but he was terrified that the white haired spirit would be angry with him. He knew most people didn't approve of two people of the same gender dating. He didn't want to risk their friendship.

The Canadian pulled his dagger out and looked at it for a moment. He felt tears running down his face. He whimpered and hugged his knees to his chest still holding the knife. He was shaking, but it wasn't because of the cold. 

Suddenly, there was a hand gently pushing one wing aside. He sighed as he felt the hand carefully untangle his fingers from his knife taking it from him. He looked up seeing Jack who was crouched down in front of him looking at him with concern. Matthew immediately looked down and away.

"Did you?" The winter spirit asked and he shook his head. He sighed in relief. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

"No, I'm fine." The Reaper said quietly still not looking at him. Jack reached out and brushed his hood down cupping his jaw and making him look at him.

"Birdie. You can't keep doing this." The winter spirit said shaking his head.

"I know." Matthew sighed. "I know." He bit his lip. "I don't want to do this anymore. I can't, Jack."

"You can, I know you can." Jack said giving him a reassuring smile. "You're so strong, Matthew."

"I don't want to. I don't want to die either, but I just can't keep living like this." The Reaper said wiping his tears away. "I just want to stop. I don't want to do anything anymore."

"Please keep going." Jack said. Matthew looked up at him. He could see Frozen tears in his eyes too. "I love you, I don't want to lose you." The blond looked at him with confusion in his eyes. The winter spirit bit his lip and looked down. "I know it's not the best time or circumstances, but please don't be mad at me."

"You love me?" The Reaper asked not really believing it.

"Yes. I know it's not normal for a man to love another, but I can't help it. I love you." The winter spirit said nervously. Matthew smiled and pulled him into a hug wrapping his wings around both of them. "I'm sorry. I understand if you don't love me back."

"No, I love you too." The Reaper confessed burying his face in the crook of Jack's neck. "I was scared to tell you. I didn't want you to hate me."

"I don't think I could ever hate you." The winter spirit smiled gently brushing some hair out of Matthew's eyes as he pulled back. "You're the first and only person that talks to me and didn't attack me. You're kind and gentle despite what others say. I honestly don't know where I would be if I hadn't met you."

"You're the only reason I keep going." The Reaper said meeting is eyes. "I don't have a reason to live without you."

"Please promise me that you won't ever, no matter what, try to take your own life." Jack said taking his hands in his. The Canadian bit his lip looking down. "I just want to know that if anything bad happens between us you'll still be okay."

"I promise." Matthew sighed with a small smile. The winter spirit smiled in relief. "I don't think I'd be okay without you, but I won't do that."

"Thank you, Birdie." Jack smiled brightly. He reached out and carefully cupped his jaw. The Reaper hummed happily leaning into his touch wanting more. He brushed his thumb lightly over his lips. "Can I?"

"Yes." Matthew said and the winter spirit leaned in. He quickly closed the distance between them. Jack wasn't really sure what he was doing so the blond took the lead. They only broke apart for breath. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mattie." The white haired spirit smiled kissing his forehead. "Can I stay here with you tonight?"

"Of course." The Canadian smiled and Jack carefully settled next to him. He gingerly put an arm around his waist and the Reaper leaned into his side. 

Jack smiled as Matthew rested his head on his shoulder and wrapped his wings around them. He rested his head on top of his new partner's. It wasn't long before he heard him snoring quietly. He smiled and pressed another kiss into his hair before closing his eyes as well.


	15. Chapter Fifiteen

Chapter Fifteen

Past, few years later...

Jack smiled to himself looking over the city that was covered in snow. Winter was finally coming to an end in the northern hemisphere. He couldn't wait to find Matthew and have a nap. 

The pair had been dating for three or four years, they weren't really sure. The Reaper had been a lot happier, but he still had down days. Jack knew that there was no way he would be able to solve all of his problems, but he could try. Matthew hadn't cut in almost two years and the winter spirit was proud. He'd been starting to keep up with the population growth too.

There had been a few times where the Canadian had questioned himself and why Jack would bother with him. He knew that he wasn't easy to be with. Especially when he was in a bad mood. The winter spirit was always there to chase the doubts away and shower him with kisses. He had stuck by Matthew's side through a lot and didn't plan on leaving.

Jack sighed and smiled. He was about to call for the wind, but something landed on his shoulder. He jumped in surprise brushing it off. He looked to see a big black bird landing at his feet and cawing at him. He looked confused at it. The bird jumped at him and his eyes widened.

"What's your problem?" The winter spirit asked as it pecked at his toes. He crouched down and it cried at him wiggling its foot. He spotted a white piece of paper attached to its foot. Jack carefully reached out and took it. "Follow me?"

The bird cawed at him and started to fly. He followed it curiously wondering where he was being led too. He wasn't really sure where they even were when the bird landed on a doorstep. It tapped its beak on the door and Jack copied its actions. A few seconds later the door was opened and there was a man. The black bird flew up and landed on his shoulder.

"Hello, you must be Jack." The man greeted. He looked up at him nervously. He stuck out his hand and the winter spirit hesitantly shook it. "I'm Death, it's nice to meet you."

"Hi." Jack said with a nervous smile. "Wait, is Mattie okay?!" He asked quickly realizing something could have happened.

"Yes, he's fine." Death said reassuringly. He gestured for the white haired spirit to follow. "He just fought another spirit and had a bad cut on his back. He couldn't reach it and came here." He explained. "I didn't want him to be in too much pain while I stitched him up so I gave him some whisky." The man sighed with a small smile. "I might have given him a bit too much."

Death lead him to a door and he pushed it open. They stepped inside and Jack sighed seeing a sleeping Matthew. He smiled seeing how peaceful he looked. His wings twitched slightly in his sleep.

"He was asking for you." The man said quietly. "You're welcome to take him or stay here."

"I guess I'll take him with me." Jack said stepping towards the bed. He knew the Reaper preferred to be outside. He carefully picked him up like a child being very careful of his back.

"Thank you for taking care of him." Death said thankfully. He held the door open for the pair. 

The winter spirit smiled as the wind picked them up. The wind carried them north. He spotted a nice patch of moss as they flew over a forest. Wind set them down and he carefully put Matthew down. The Reaper was awake and pulled him down into a kiss. 

"Salut Jackie." He slurred wrapping his legs around the winter spirits waist. He swapped their positions and leaned down to kiss him again. Jack didn't mind the kisses, but didn't like the taste or smell of alcohol on him. "Je te veux. S'il te plaît, baise-moi."

"I don't know what you're saying, Birdie." The white haired spirit said. Matthew's eyebrows furrowed and he leaned down kissing his neck. He ground their hips together and Jack realized what he wanted. "I don't think that's the best idea right now." He said catching the blond's hands before they slipped lower. "You're drunk and I don't want you to rip your stitches."

"Je ne suis pas saoul, eh bien peut-être. Je te veux toujours. Je me fiche des points de suture." The Reaper slurred eyes half lidded. Jack was still looking up at him with confusion. He still had his hands and wouldn't let them go. He started to move his hips again and the winter spirit bit his lip.

"Matthew." Jack warned sitting up. The Canadian sat back letting him up. He looked at him with sad eyes. The white haired spirit kissed his cheek reassuringly. "You're not in the right mind right now and you're hurt. Tomorrow, if you're up to it okay?"

"Bien." The Reaper sighed bursting into a yawn. He giggled and Jack smiled. It had been a while since he heard him laugh. "Je t'aime."

"Love you too, Birdie." The winter spirit smiled understanding that. He laid back in the grass and Matthew curled up on his chest. Jack smiled and ran a hand through his soft hair. He hummed leaning into his touch. The Reaper closed his eyes and passed out almost immediately. "Night, Mattie."

\-----❄️" If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"❄️-----

In the morning Matthew woke up with a pounding headache. He gasped jumping up feeling sick. He quickly ran and crouched next to a tree throwing up what he had in his stomach. He groaned wondering what happened yesterday. He couldn't remember much and what he could was fuzzy. He honestly didn't really mind the break.

"Birdie! Are you okay?" Jack asked at his side immediately. He pulled his hair back as he threw up again. The Canadian coughed holding his head. "Mattie?"

"Too loud." The Reaper said quietly trying to calm his breathing and not throw up again. "What happened? What year is it even?"

"It's like nineteen two? Nineteen three?" The winter spirit said quietly. He didn't want to be loud and irritate him. "What do you remember?"

"Fighting a spirit and going to Death. I had a wound I couldn't reach." Matthew said. Jack helped him up and back over to their 'bed.' "I can't remember anything after until now."

"Death gave you some alcohol to numb the pain while he stitched it. He gave you a bit too much." The winter spirit explained.

"That explains the headache." The Reaper groaned. Jack kissed his temple. He didn't particularly want to kiss him on the lips right after that. Matthew grabbed a leaf and wiped his lips off. The white haired spirit gave him a handful of snow to eat. "And the throw up. Sorry."

"It's okay." The winter spirit said with a gentle smile. "Can I check your stitches?"

Matthew nodded and turned. Jack carefully lifted up his shirt seeing the long jagged cut from his hip almost all the way up to the base of his wing. It was a miracle that he hadn't tore them yet. He definitely understood why Death wanted to numb him.

"You probably won't be able to fly with that." The winter spirit said with sad eyes. He hadn't seen him this badly hurt before. He didn't want him to be in physical pain knowing how much mental pain he had.

"I know. I definitely won't be." The Reaper shook his head closing his eyes. He had flown to Death's which had been a stupid idea, it was so painful. "I'll just have to shadow jump around."

"Or I can fly you with the wind?" Jack suggested. Matthew smiled gratefully and the pair laid back in the grass. The winter spirit was on his back as he used his chest as a pillow. "I love you, Birdie."

"I love you too." The Reaper smiled kissing his jaw.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Past, about a decade later...

Matthew groaned biting his lip. He knew tensions in the world were high. Something was going to happen soon and he was stressed. The stress was making him think of cutting again. He hadn't had the temptation to in a while. 

Jack had easily picked up on the nerves no matter how much he tried to hide it. He asked and pestered him until the Reaper told him. The winter spirit had held him tight and wouldn't let go. He appreciated the support even though he was only telling him half of it.

The Canadian wasn't able to sleep. He was curled into his boyfriend's side, but he still couldn't relax. Jack's arms were around him as he snored quietly. Matthew couldn't help, but smile seeing him asleep. He always had a funny face when he was sleeping.

The Reaper sighed as images flashed across his mind. He groaned and sat up. It had been happening more often, waking him up and taking him away from Jack. He knew it was his job to help the souls, but he couldn't help having a bit of resentment towards them for having to leave the winter spirit.

"Where are you going?" Jack asked as he woke up. Matthew sighed and leaned down to kiss him. He held on to his coat as he went to pull back. "Don't leave."

"I have to." The Reaper sighed kissing him again. The white haired spirit let go of his coat with a sleepy whine. "I'm sorry. I'll be back soon."

"I know." Jack sighed turning over.

Matthew stood up and spread his wings. The soul that needed him was on the other side of the ocean. It was too far for him to shadow jump. He flew across the ocean and landed before jumping through a shadow to the soul. 

The Reaper sighed crouching down over the body. The poor man had been beaten to death by his best friend after a night of drinking. He still had the bottle in his hand. He pulled his soul forward and he showed him what happened. The soul wasn't angry at his friend and didn't want anything bad done to him. He agreed and sent him away.

Matthew was about to step through the shadow and leave, but his eyes lingered on the bottle. He bit his lip trying to resist the urge. He shrugged and picked it out of his hand. He took a drink wondering how much it took to get tipsy. He knew almost nothing about alcohol and took another drink before setting the bottle back with the body. 

The Canadian stepped through a shadow to the coast and started to fly over the ocean. He felt sleepy as he flew. He couldn't wait to be back with Jack. The flight had felt longer than it did before. His mind felt clouded and he momentarily forgot what he was doing until he felt himself falling. Matthew laughed and flapped his wings again finally spotting the shore line.

The Reaper giggled as he landed in the forest. He walked a few steps before he hit a tree and fell backwards. He burst out laughing and got back to his feet. He gave the tree a hug before continuing to look for Jack. He finally found him and smiled. 

Matthew stumbled his way over and hummed settling down next to him. The winter spirit shifted as he kissed his cheek. He turned over and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed him sleepily before pulling back.

"You drank?" Jack asked slightly more awake. "Are you hurt? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Just had a little." The Reaper said reassuringly snuggling into his neck. He yawned again closing his eyes. "I won't be sick in the morning."

"Okay." The winter spirit sighed. He pressed a kiss into his hair.

AN: Literally know nothing about alcohol or being drunk. I haven't drank before and don't really like drunk people. I just can't stand the smell of alcohol.

\-----❄️"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."❄️-----

Past, one year later...

Jack sighed looking down at Matthew. He had found him passed out again. This time it was in the middle of a war torn field. He wasn't sure if it was from exhaustion or from drinking. He could smell it on him, but didn't want to assume. The winter spirit had carefully gathered him up into his arms and took him to a safer place.

The Reaper had been running all over Europe helping souls. Jack knew he had almost no time to do anything. He knew he hadn't eaten, but he probably drank. The winter spirit had been finding him passed out almost all the time a few months before the war started. He was fine with him drinking a bit, but it had been getting out of hand. Then the war had started and it got worse. 

Matthew had been hit by a stray bullet too. It had hit him when he was flying and he barely landed safely. The bullet hit him in the junction on his neck just above the collarbone. He was too far away from Death's to jump there. He had been lucky that Jack was already looking for him. He had been able to slow the bleeding and get him to Death. It scared the winter spirit and he didn't ever want to leave his side, but he still had to do his job. He hated leaving the Reaper knowing he could be hit again and he wouldn't be there to help him.

"Jack?" The Canadian asked blinking awake. He groaned putting a hand over his eyes. The white haired spirit smiled sadly and ran his fingers through the blond's hair. 

"Are you okay?" Jack asked already knowing the answer.

"No." Matthew shook his head. He moved his arm to look up at him. "I want to just sleep through the rest of this. I'm so tired. I don't know what to do."

"Sleep for now then." The winter spirit said. He knew the Reaper was exhausted.

"I can't. I already need to go help almost one hundred people." The Canadian shook his head. He had tears in his eyes. "I can't keep up with this. Mentally or physically."

Jack gathered him up in his arms and Matthew buried his face in his neck. He was shaking and crying. He rubbed circles into his back trying to calm him. The winter spirit tried to hold back his own tears, but couldn't. He knew how much stress the Reaper was under and how much pain he was in and there was almost nothing he could do to help.

"I'm sorry, Birdie." Jack said into his hair. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could take your pain."

"You don't want that." Matthew shook his head. "I wouldn't wish this on anyone."

The pair sat quietly for a while just holding each other. They both knew the Reaper wouldn't be able to stay long and wanted each other's company.

"Have you been drinking?" The winter spirit asked quietly.

"Every chance I get." Matthew admitted looking down. "It takes the edge off. I need it, it makes things a bit better."

"Mattie." Jack sighed. He wanted to say it was okay, but it wasn't. He sighed and shook the thoughts from his mind. "I love you."

"I love you too." The Reaper said staying for another moment before he had to leave again.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

AN: Most of my chapters seem to start with a character sighing. This should be the last past chap or one more after this. 

Past, about five years later...

Matthew sighed smiling sadly down at Jack. The winter spirit was curled up in his lap. It was the middle of winter again in the northern hemisphere and he was exhausted. The Reaper loved having his company. He was nervously playing with his hair as he slept.

Tonight was one of the rare times in a while he been mostly sober, but he was still hungover and was intending to drink as soon as he could. There was a reason today at least.

The Reaper would drink until he passed out. Jack would find and pick him up to take him to a better place. When he woke up, he'd be sick. The white haired spirit would always be there to help him. He would try to get some food or water into him, but he didn't particularly want to eat after throwing up. 

It was always a bit of a fight getting anything other than alcohol into him. They fought quite a bit about his drinking. The winter spirit would always give in and just drop it. The Canadian sometimes wished he wouldn't and push him to stop. He knew he probably couldn't do it on his own, not now at least.

Matthew hated that he was picking the alcohol over Jack, but he knew he needed it. He hated that he felt like he needed the drink more than he needed the white haired spirit. He loved the winter spirit and he knew his drinking was affecting him. He'd seen him sitting up in the middle of the night looking at the moon. He knew he spent hours worrying about him. 

Jack had dark circles under his eyes and the winters had been colder. He knew his powers were tied to his emotions. He knew he was hurting him. The Reaper had thought about leaving. He knew it would be hard on both of them. He knew the winter spirit would be able to get over it. The Canadian wasn't sure he would, but it would give him peace of mind. He knew he'd be better off without him. 

Matthew had made his decision and he needed to leave for the white haired spirit's sake. He didn't want to just ghost and avoid him. He wasn't sure how he was going to tell the winter spirit. He knew Jack wouldn't just let him go. He knew he'd have to be cold and uncaring. He'd have to hurt him now to hurt him less in the long run.

"What are you thinking about, Birdie?" The winter spirit asked slowly as he woke up. He smiled and reached up tracing along his jaw with his finger tips. The Reaper cherished the touch knowing what he was about to do.

"I don't love you anymore." Matthew said simply. Jacks eyes widened and he sat up.

"What?" He asked. He sounded absolutely devastated. The Canadian stood up and the winter spirit did too. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said." The Reaper shook his head. Jack reached out and tried to touch him, but he stepped away crossing his arms. The winter spirits face almost made him break and tell him he was lying, but he couldn't. "It's been a while since I realized it. I don't want to keep leading you on."

"You're lying." The white haired spirit said with tears in his eyes. It was starting to snow. Jack knew him too well, but he couldn't back out now. "I know you are."

"I'm not." Matthew shrugged turning away from him. He bit his lip wanting to cry. He pulled up his hood taking a breath and quickly composed himself. He tilted his head so Jack couldn't see his face. "We're done."

"No, Birdie!" Jack cried as he started to walk towards a shadow. 

"I'm sorry." The Reaper said quietly as he stepped through the shadow before the winter spirit could grab him. He jumped as far away as he could. The wind was already swirling around him looking for him for Jack. "Don't let him find me. Don't tell him where I am. We both know he'll be better off without me."

The wind immediately died down at his request. He sighed in relief looking around at his surroundings. He already hated being alone. Matthew quickly spread his wings flying to the closest city. He found a bar and walked in through the people. He hopped over the bar and grabbed the fullest bottle of liquor there. He hopped back over the counter and walked outside. He shadow jumped back to the forest and settled in a tree.

The Reaper popped the cap off and chugged half the bottle. He coughed feeling the burn. He sighed setting the bottle down and put his head in his hands. He wrapped his wings around himself hiding from the world. Matthew pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them. He peaked out dully from behind his wings looking at the forest. He felt empty and lost. He knew it was his own fault.

The Canadian sighed starting to feel the alcohol cloud his mind. He closed his eyes hoping to black out or sleep. It finally came after what felt like centuries.

\-----❄️"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."❄️-----

Past, many years later...

The Reaper huffed tucking his wings behind his back settling on the edge of a tall building. He over looked the city with tired eyes. 

The first few years away from Jack had been hard. He'd been black out drunk for a lot of it. He was out through most of the Second World War too. Death hadn't been too happy, but he couldn't exactly do anything to stop him. He couldn't just leave his house to take the bottle out of his hand. He did scold him when he saw his reaper.

Matthew had only cut back a little, just enough to barely function. He cut back to fight too. He never fully stopped. It wasn't easy to fight spirits when he was drunk. More and more had started to attack him. When he was with Jack, he'd leave them be and shadow jump away. Now, he was back to his old ways of beating them.

The Reaper had thought a lot about the promise he made to Jack. He'd thought about breaking it, but couldn't. He didn't break promises. He'd only caught small glimpses of the winter spirit here and there. He managed to slip away every time before he noticed him. 

Matthew was used to being alone now. He didn't mind it that much. He was still drinking a lot, but he had to drink more and more to get the same level of intoxication he used to. It wasn't healthy, but most of what he did wasn't. He knew at some point he'd get completely used to it and it wouldn't do anything for him.

The Reaper hummed tiredly closing his eyes. It was raining out, but slowly turning to snow. He knew he should move, but he was to tired to bother. He didn't feel the cold anyway.

"Hey, Birdie." Matthew looked over to see Jack crouched on the ledge. He was keeping a bit of distance between them. "How are you?"

"Unfortunately alive." The Canadian grumbled. The winter spirit looked down and away. "What about you?"

"I'm alright." Jack sighed. It was pretty awkward. There was a long silence before he spoke again. "Can we be friends? Just friends?"

Matthew looked hesitant. He definitely wouldn't mind having Jack around again. He still loved the man, but he knew he wasn't good for him. He still needed to keep distant.

"Yes, friends is fine." The Reaper said and Jack smiled. He fully intended to still avoid him for the most part. He didn't want to become too close again.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Present, few months later...

The Reaper hummed to himself settling in his blanket pile. He hadn't had the best day and wanted to sit and read. He grabbed his book and put one earbud in. He sighed and started to read. It was nice to block out some of the deaths.

It had been a couple months since he and Jack had started dating again. They'd been okay. The Reaper had a few down days and the Guardian was there to comfort him. If he was grumpy, he was easily able to cheer him up. They would actually talk about what Matthew had seen rather than him holding it all in. It did take a while for him to open up, but Jack was patient. It did feel a lot better to get it out and talk about it.

The pair was living in the sanatorium were the Canadian had been staying. Jack was still nervous and scared of all the ghosts, but he had been getting better. He didn't mind them as much anymore. He would sometimes have conversations with them if Matthew wasn't there. The Guardians didn't know they were dating and still hadn't seen the Reaper again.

"Hey, Birdie." Matthew looked up to see Jack climb in through the window. He smiled and rolled his eyes. He'd told him he could use the door, but the winter spirit still used the window. He walked over and sat next to the blond leaning over and giving him a kiss. He smiled setting his book aside. "How was your day?"

"Better now that you're here." The Reaper sighed leaning into his boyfriend's touch. Jack smiled tracing his jaw and pushing his hood down. He picked up the other earbud and put it in his ear. He leaned in kissing him again. "You're so cute Jackie."

"You're cuter." The winter spirit smiled booping his nose. Matthew laughed lightly. Jack smiled hearing him laugh. He loved seeing him laugh and smile. The Reaper wrapped one wing around him bringing him closer. The Guardian hummed and crawled into his lap wrapping his arms around his neck. He wrapped his wings around them like a blanket. "And you're so warm."

"And you're nice and cold." Matthew hummed with a yawn. He always found it easier to sleep when it was cold, even easier with Jack there. He used to only sleep when he was exhausted. He rested his head on top of the winter spirits. His stomach rumbled and Jack laughed.

"Wanna go steal some ice cream or something?" The Guardian asked looking up at him. 

Matthew smiled and nodded. He moved his wings and let him up. The winter spirit turned around and offered him a hand. He took it and Jack pulled him up. The Reaper leaned down and kissed his cheek. The Guardian smiled and frost spread across his cheeks. Matthew smiled seeing it. He lead him downstairs saying hello to a few ghosts as they went outside. The winter spirit stuck close to him only seeing one of the ghosts he greeted. 

Once they were outside, they flew towards the nearest town. Jack took his hand as soon as they landed and pulled him along into the store. They immediately found the ice cream and picked out what they wanted before going back outside.

"Maple as always." The winter spirit smiled as they ate. They had found a nice tall tree to settle in. The pair let their feet hang over the edge of the branch. "You're obsessed."

"Yeah, obviously." Matthew shrugged with a smile. Jack leaned over and kissed his cheek. He groaned feeling how sticky his lips were. The Guardian laughed at his face and kissed him again. The blond sighed and just let him. "You're sticky."

"You're stuck with me." Jack hummed with a bright smile. The Canadian couldn't help, but smile back. "Love you, Birdie."

"I love you too, Jackie." Matthew said as he put an arm around his waist. The winter spirit shifted closer to him. He hummed happily as they finished their ice cream. He knew he probably shouldn't have eaten the whole thing, but didn't care. The blond yawned quietly. "Ready to go back?"

"Yeah." Jack sighed patting his full belly. 

The Reaper smiled and hopped off the branch. The Guardian was at his side right away and the wind carried the pair along. Matthew hopped through a shadow inside while he climbed through the window. The Canadian flopped down onto the blankets and opened his arms for Jack. The winter spirit smiled and crawled into them. He hummed happily wrapping his arms and wings around him. Jack smiled and kissed his neck and collarbone.

"Guardians are looking for you again." The winter spirit sighed and the Reaper groaned. "Pitch is gaining power."

"He's been stealing souls again." Matthew grumbled. "I'll go after him tomorrow."

"I can help you." Jack offered looking worriedly up at him. "I fought him before and won."

"That's alright. I'll be okay." The Reaper said with a reassuring smile. "I don't want Pitch to know and tell the Guardians. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Maybe I should just tell them?" The winter spirit suggested nervously. "Probably better from me then from Pitch."

"I don't want you to get in trouble with them." Matthew said biting his lip. "And I don't want them bugging you about me, but I do think you telling them is better than Pitch telling them."

"Yeah." The Guardian sighed. He looked into his eyes. "Maybe reconsider being a Guardian?"

"No." The Reaper shook his head. "I don't want to be a Guardian."

"Is that it? You just don't want to?" Jack asked sceptically raising an eyebrow. He knew him too well. "There's something else there."

Matthew sighed. "I just have a lot of negative thoughts around them. Well, not them or you just the idea of 'Guardians.'" He explained. "It doesn't work, I know it doesn't. I see it everyday. I help all the kids the Guardians don't." The Reaper shook his head. "Guardians make the world bright and colourful for children, but they grow up and realize it's nothing like that. I don't want to be part of that illusion."

"Is that it?" The winter spirit asked looking up at him. He sighed biting his lip.

"I don't understand why Manny picked me." Matthew shrugged. "I'm not always happy, I'm not bright and colourful, I don't have a holiday and I really don't want people to see me."

"I can see why he did. You're great with kids, sure you're not 'kid friendly,' but you can act it for a while. And you do already protect kids. You said it yourself, you help all the kids the Guardians don't." Jack said kissing his jaw. The Reaper sighed. "I understand why you don't want to. I'm not going to push you or bug you about it."

"Merci ma raison de vivre." Matthew said with a small smile kissing his forehead. He yawned quietly and the Guardian smiled up at him. He was adorable when he was sleepy. "Je t'aime."

"I love you too." Jack smiled kissing his chin before tucking his head under. The Reaper hummed quietly holding him close as they fell asleep.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

It had been a couple days before Matthew had time to go attack Pitch. He was flying lazily towards his current lair. He was always able to hone in on where the Nightmare King was if he had souls. He landed on the edge of the entrance and tucked his wings tightly behind his back. He dropped down into the cave pulling his dagger.

"I thought you'd be here soon." Pitch purred in his ear. The Canadian didn't react and he laughed appearing in front of him. "I can never scare you, darling."

"You're not that 'scary.' You're 'cartoonishly scary.'" Matthew said with a shrug. The spirit of darkness looked offended. "Anyway, you know why I'm here."

"I do." Pitch smiled wickedly. He made a scythe out of sand. "I'm not going to just give them up this time."

"That's fine." The Reaper hummed as the Nightmare King jumped at him. He blocked the scythe and broke the pole with his dagger. He lunged at the man and slashed through his chest. 

Pitch growled and made a new scythe. He brought forward a hoard of Nightmares. Matthew smiled and easily slashed through them on his way to the man. He slashed at him again, but he hopped out of the way. The Nightmare King swung his scythe aiming for his chest. The Reaper jumped back through a shadow behind him. Pitch managed to turn and see him, but not stop is attack. The Canadian tackled the man pinning him to the ground. 

The spirit of darkness snarled and overpowered him switching their positions. The Reaper smiled slipping back through the shadow Pitch created. Matthew appeared behind him, but the Nightmare King was ready. He made another scythe and blocked his dagger. He pushed the blond back and he smiled bringing forward more mares. The Reaper sighed and easily slashed through them or squished them between two force fields. They weren't threatening at all to him.

"I should have never taught you how to shadow jump." Pitch growled as he advanced. Matthew smirked as he attacked again. "Or fight." The Canadian faked a slash with his dagger before punching and braking his nose. "You're more annoying than Frost."

"Thank you." The Reaper smiled watching the man hold his nose as it healed. "Now, please just give back the souls."

"No." Pitch snarled. He sighed in annoyance ready to beat the spirit of darkness and get the souls back. 

Matthew jumped at the king of Nightmares. The spirit of darkness smirked and grabbed him by the coat. He pulled him through a shadow. Pitch threw the Reaper into their new environment. He easily corrected and landed in a crouch taking in his surroundings. He immediately recognized the globe and yetis looking at him. The Canadian growled glaring at Pitch.

"Can't run for ever." The spirit of darkness smirked. Matthew clenched his teeth in annoyance. He quickly picked him up by the throat with his magic and yanked him off the globe.

"Birdie?" North yelled bursting out of his office seeing the pair. The Russian ran to his side pulling his swords. He smiled over at him, but Matthew didn't smile back.

"They don't even know your real name?" Pitch laughed as he made a shadow and reappeared back on the globe. He waved his hand bringing forward another hoard of Nightmares. He smiled and they quickly rushed forward. 

The Reaper growled and put up a force field protecting him and North. He made another behind the mares and quickly snapped them closed squishing them. He dropped the fields and spread his wings launching himself at Pitch. Matthew wanted to get him out of the pole so he wouldn't break anything. Pitch was prepared for his strike.

The Nightmare King countered him with his scythe, but still hadn't manage to land a hit on him. The Canadian slashed across his chest and Pitch stumbled backwards. He jumped forward tackling him. Matthew dropped them into a shadow, but the spirit of darkness switched the end location on him. He brought them back into the pole. Pitch pinned the Reaper to the floor with his scythe to his throat. 

Matthew coughed and struggled pushing back against the pole that was cutting off his air. The impact had knocked the wind out of him and he was disoriented. He immediately felt for a shadow, but there wasn't one big enough for him to slip into. He growled renewing his efforts trying to get Pitch off him. Suddenly the weight was gone and he was able to breathe again.

"Birdie! Are you okay?" Jack asked quickly helping him up. He shot a blast of ice at the Nightmare king to keep him back.

"I'm fine." Matthew said finally catching his breath rubbing his throat. His eyes were still on Pitch. He was kept back by the winter spirits ice attacks. "Thank you."

"How'd you get here?" Jack asked raising an eyebrow. 

"Probably not the best time." The Reaper said shaking his head.

"True." The Guardian shrugged. 

Pitch had had enough of his attacks and brought forward more mares. They rushed at the pair and both easily cut them down. North was near them too cutting through the mares. The other Guardians were there as well after a few minutes and didn't seemed surprised that the Reaper was there.

The Nightmare King was constantly attacking Matthew. He wasn't fairing too well against the blond. He was covered in dozens of small wounds that were healing. There were still mares all around them, but they were only going after the Guardians. The Reaper was getting bored with the fight. He grabbed Pitch by his collar and threw him to the ground. Matthew jumped on top of him pinning him to the ground with his dagger to his throat. The Reaper made sure to not cast enough of a shadow for him to escape through. 

"Give me the souls back." Matthew growled. Pitch glared at him and he could hear mares stomping towards them. He made a dome over them and the mares ran into it. The man looked nervous. "Now."

"Fine! Fine!" The spirit of darkness said realizing the Reaper wasn't messing around. He quickly brought forward most of the fearlings. He waved them away and moved the dagger threateningly. "There!"

"All of them." Matthew demanded pressing the sharp blade to his throat.

"Okay!" Pitch said hurriedly bringing the last few. He always got scared when the Canadian got angry. He waved them away. "Now, just let me go Honey."

The Reaper smiled sweetly and slit his throat not caring that the Guardians were there and watching. He leaned over him creating a shadow and dropping him through back to his lair. Matthew dropped the dome and stood up. Jack was at his side in and instant. He quickly checked him over for wounds.

"Are you okay?" The winter spirit asked worriedly.

"I'm alright. He didn't cut me." The blond said and Jack sighed in relief. "Just a few bruises."

The other Guardians were watching them closely. North, Tooth and Sandy were smiling and Bunny was frowning. The pair didn't notice the four staring and forgot where they were. Jack reached up and traced his jaw brushing his hood down. He smiled leaning into his touch.

"Birdie! You're so cute!" Tooth squealed and the pair jumped in surprise.


	20. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

"Birdie! You're so cute!" Tooth squealed and the pair jumped in surprise. They had completely forgotten where they were.

"Oh, sorry!" Jack quickly apologized. Matthew shrugged and smiled. He wasn't angry with the winter spirit.

"It's okay." The Reaper sighed and the Guardian relaxed. "And, ah, thank you."

"No problem!" Tooth squealed fluttering towards them. "I almost thought it was a skull or something under there. You look adorable and gentle."

"A gentle giant." Jack smiled elbowing him lightly in the ribs as he rolled his eyes. 

"Gentle to people who don't attack me." The Reaper shrugged.

"What is the real relationship between you two?" North asked. Sandy made a heart and question mark.

"Yeah." The Guardian smiled taking his hand. Both of them were blushing. "We're dating."

"You're dating the Reaper?" Bunny scoffed crossing his arms. He glared at Matthew. "He could easily do so much better than you."

"Oh, trust me. I know." The Canadian shrugged. He didn't really care what the pooka had to say about him.

"Bunny!" Jack snapped angrily. The Guardian of Hope seemed to be surprised he was defending the blond. The temperature in the room dropped. "Do not talk to him like that."

Bunny looked like he was about to speak again, but North cut him off. "So, Birdie. Have you decided to become a Guardian?" He asked excitedly.

"Still a hard no." The Reaper said shaking his head. North looked like he was about to argue, but Sandy flew in front of his face pointing up at the moon.

"Oh, Manny!" The Guardian of wonder greeted the moon. "What do you need old friend?"

'Reaper, Guardians.' The moon greeted respectively. 'You do not need to keep chasing the Reaper. He was chosen as a Guardian and the offer will always stand, but he does not have to.'

"My answer will always be no." Matthew said shaking his head. The moon dimmed and disappeared behind a cloud. He didn't care if Manny was disappointed.

"We're sorry for stalking you." Tooth apologized. The other Guardians, but Bunny nodded in agreement 

"It's fine." The Reaper shrugged. They were lucky he was so patient. "Just stop though." 

"We will. We will not look or follow you again. We promise." North promised and the other Guardians nodded. Bunny was still glaring at him. The Russian cleared his throat. "How did you and Pitch end up here?"

"I was fighting him to get souls back and he tackled me through a shadow." Matthew explained with a sigh. "He jumped us here."

"Why would he have souls?" Sandy asked with his sand. 

It took the Reaper a moment to understand him. He still was a bit wary of the Sandman. He knew he didn't mean him any harm, but he was still staying far away. He didn't want to accidentally touch his sand and get burned.

"Oh, he steals and makes fearlings out of the souls." The Reaper explained. "There's so many people dying all the time I can't always get to everyone especially if there's a bunch at once."

"Maybe you should be better at your job." Bunny said and Matthew laughed. The rabbit raised an eyebrow.

"Do you want my job? Get to see every single death every day? Because you can have it." The Reaper said crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. The Guardian of hope quickly shook his head. "No? Them don't tell me how to do my fucking job." He growled.

Bunny's nose wrinkled in disgust at his disrespect. He growled and looked like he was going to attack. Matthew was ready, but wouldn't attack first. He wanted the Guardian of hope to attack first that way it would be self defence. Jack cleared his throat gaining both of their attention. He put an arm around the Reaper's waist protectively. 

The pooka was slightly taken aback by the Guardian of fun's action. He couldn't understand why he was protecting and being loyal to the Canadian. He didn't understand why Jack would pick him over literally any other spirit.

"Anyway. We're leaving now." The winter spirit said glaring at the rabbit. His voice was almost a growl. "Stop following Birdie and leave him alone." He said sternly. His voice shifted to a friendlier tone. "I'll see you guys later."

Jack took his hand again pulling him away. Matthew didn't mind and quickly followed him. He pulled his hood back up as they walked. He pulled the winter spirit through a shadow with him to the outside of the pole. It was a short jump and wouldn't make the Guardian disoriented. He wanted to get out of the pole as fast as possible. Jack smiled and kissed his cheek as the wind swirled and picked them up. The Reaper still wasn't used to it and spread his wings to glide.

The pair landed by the sanatorium and walked a little way through the forest. The sun was just starting to go down and there was a quiet wind. The leaves were just starting to change colour and there was a cold snap in the air. There always was when Jack was around. It was so calm and peaceful.

"It's beautiful outside today." Matthew hummed taking his hood down feeling the sun warm his skin. 

"It's okay." The winter spirit shrugged with a smile. Matthew put an arm around his waist bringing him closer as they walked. "It would be perfect if it was a bit colder."

"Yeah." The Canadian agreed pressing a kiss into his hair. "Even nicer if it was snowing."

"Too bad it's too early." Jack grumbled and the blond laughed lightly. He looked over smiling gently seeing him laugh. Matthew caught him staring and blushed. "I love seeing you laugh and smile. I love seeing you happy."

"I only laugh or smile because of you. You're one of the only things that can make me happy." The Reaper said pressing a kiss into his hair. Jack smiled brightly and leaned into his side as they walked. "I love you Jack."

"I love you too." The Guardian smiled stretching up to kiss his cheek. 

The Canadian leaned down and gave him a proper kiss. Jack cupped the blond's jaw as his hands went to his hips. He bit his lip lightly asking for entrance and the winter spirit let him in. They only broke apart for breath resting their foreheads together. They laughed lightly trying to catch their breaths.

Matthew hummed and swept the smaller spirit off his feet. Jack yelped in surprise laughing and wrapping his arms around the blond's neck. He rested his head on his chest listening to his heartbeat as he was carried inside. The Reaper carried him up the stairs going towards the blanket pile. He carefully set him down and Jack pulled him down with him. He hummed as the winter spirit wrapped his arms around him pulling their bodies together. He relaxed his wings to his sides as Jack pulled a blanket over them.

"I'm sorry for how Bunny talked to you." The Guardian apologized. "I should have kicked his ass."

"It's not your fault. You can't control him." Matthew shrugged kissing his jaw. "Don't get in trouble with the Guardians over me." 

"It would be worth it though." Jack said kissing his forehead. The Canadian smiled.

"At least the Guardians will leave me alone now." Matthew hummed happily. 

"Can this Guardian stay?" Jack asked raising an eyebrow looking up at him with his big blue eyes.

"Yes." The Reaper hummed. "Of course you can."

AN: I am still really enjoying writing for rotg/hetalia despite this being the fourth one. Could be more in this au or the original in the future. Have to see!

Finished writing on November 2nd 2018  
Finished editing on November 5th 2018


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